Roots

In the last three weeks of the end of December of 2011, I have had three friends die.  These friends were not stop by and say "hi" once in a while, but friends that had deep roots, in who I was and who I became.

Needless to say, I was not in the Christmas spirit.  However, I have had much time to reflect.  All three of these funerals, could have been mine.  I wonder if people would have come to my funeral and talked about how I was a good friend.  Or how I had humor to carry me through the hard times that life gave to me.  Or if I had a big heart, and tried to help all those around me, even if it was through a smile or a friendly Hello.

To all three of my friends, I simply say - "Thank You" - 
Thank you for making Jr. High - tolearable!  I can say he was a little crush.

Thank You - for always wanting me to come and visit and checking up and asking me about my life and always being intersted in what was going on.  For sharing the story of our adoption with your family and friends and saying it brought a little happiness to the little life you had left inside of you and for holding him in your heart, when your body and arms wouldn't allow you to.

Thank You - for cutting my bangs, you were the best! Now I have to find a new bang cutter.  Thank you for the breakfast and fast meals.  Even though I have to laugh because Damon and I still think we ate it with cat hair! But it added to the love and effort you went to.  Thank you for eating fried pickles and avocados.  Thank you for your heartfelt listening and advice talks.  Thank you for the heartfelt and touching letters of inspiration and cards you gave to us after the "accident."  I kept them in my hospital room, read and re-read them many times when I needed a lift.  Thank you for taking care of Damon - during that hard time, when everyone was focused on me, you were focused on him.  Thank you for the letter you wrote on our behalf for the adoption file.  At your funeral, a sweet man - stopped me when I was holding Grayson.  He said, "you don't know who I am, but I was a co-worker."  He told me how you put Grayson's picture up in your little work Pod and that you told everyone our story at work. 

Tears roll down my face, as I hoped to share many more memories with you and with Grayson. 

One wish, is that I took more pictures.  My camera goes with me everywhere now.  Pictures, hold memories and tie us with heartstrings...I believe.

I hope all of my friends are looking out for my Little Livi...that is in heaven.  Hold her close.  Tell her all about the crazy things we did - okay maybe not all the things!

The thank you's are the roots....that connect me to you. 

May we all thank our friends.

   

Wings

It was over a year in the making.  As soon as I was transferred to my Rehab hospital and we were planning our sweet little Livi's funeral, I immediately thought of the Festival of Trees.  I did an internship at PCMC and also have had many clients and families use their services and I thought it would be a tender way of honoring her and her life and giving back to other children, to keep her memory alive. 

Results: A beautiful tree that was amazing beyond my dreams.  It took sweat, time and lots of hard work and many late hours to put on the glitter, glam and tuelle for the little tree.  I had lots of family that helped from my hubby, to brothers to dad and cousin - who drove the crazy truck down the crazy mountain.  To my Mom, sister in law and the young woman and dear friends.  It made a dream come true.  My art director: I like to call her - asked if Livi would be proud, I say...Yes. Yes. Yes.

Heart Warming:  All of the etsy artisans who opened their hearts and created beautiful masterpieces to give the final touch of miracles and pieces of their heart and heaven to put the softness need to celebrate Livi.  To know that their is still kindness in the world and that people do give of their time and talents.

Livi...there is a tree in your honor that is a butterfly garden memorial...to donate to other little kids that are needing a Guardian angel to help them on their journey.

May we all have wings...to embrace each other and...lift everyone up around us.

Lights

The past couple of weeks has been difficult.  We have been creating the beautiful masterpiece of the Garden Butterfly Memorial tree for the Festival of Trees for my little Livi.  We put on the lights on two of the smaller items.  I think of Livi and the light she was too my life.  I loved being pregnant.  I loved every night getting online and watching and see how she was developing, inside of me.  I remember her first kicks.  I remember when I found out I was pregnant.  I remember where I was, what time it was and I remember telling a Dear Friend - when she saw me get of the phone with the doctors office...I was crying happy tears.  Thanksgiving - Christmas are always so difficult for me.  I think of the big table with the whole family seated around, laughing sharing in Thanksgiving Magic and always think there is a little girl maybe with blonde hair or maybe some strawberry blonde hair...that is gone, that is missing.  As soon as I found out I was pregnant even before she was here, I had dreams and hopes that were tucked in the corner of my heart that without having her, here with me.  I never realized how much those dreams were tied with heartstrings for the future. 

I also think that it is really raw emotion for any Mom to have a child die, that brings up a little or big heartache around the holidays. 

May we all make sure we shine our light on others and hold each other in the best of light.

Twinkle Twinkle little star do you know how loved you are?

Beautiful Heartbreak

Tonight a dear friend of mine, that has been going through her own beautiful heartbreak, shared this music video - with me. She said she thought of me because of the inspirational speaker part. I guess I would have never thought that my life would lead me to become an inspirational speaker. Who would have thought. Now I can say that I have had 3 speaking engagements and a TV appearance. On my way to hopefully touch the lives that need to hear my message.

To all of you - that have had a beautiful heartbreak. I will hold your hand and share with you my heart and help you see your view.

May we all climb to see the view.

http://www.flixya.com/video/4823377/Beautiful-Heartbreak-Hilary-Weeks-Every-Step-

New Things

Time flies...Grayson is so stinkin cute. He is now smiling, smiling and smiling. I love waking up in the morning and seeing him grin. How sweet and simple life can be.

Facebook - Okay I gave in. I tried very hard to stay away, however my friend Shells, you are so in trouble introduced me to pintrest. Loving it...loving new ideas.

Festival of Trees - hard hard work. Who ever thought that decorating a tree would be so much stress...it is worth the stress.

Completing tasks..I have been working on finishing...Finishing anything the purpose: to try and get more things accomplished.

May we all take in new things...

Shower of Love

Today my dearest and closest friends gathered together to eat yummy food and to see Baby Grayson. They have been there with me through being a freshman in College - to a wonderful trip to Honduras for my Minor in Spanish, from dating boys- to marriages and now babies. Our circle is complete with M- having her boy in December!

My friends have shared with me the heartache of Livi's death and the miracle of happiness with Grayson. The one thread that we share together is how we have grown stronger through the experiences that life has brought to all of us.

When I was looking for pictures for Livi's tree, I came across these beautiful pictures that showed Jesus holding a little baby. I have never had anything touch me as much as these pictures.

These pictures to me remind me of a different type of shower of Love.

Please check out ChristianFineArt on Etsy.com

I am so excited to have these pictures for Livi's tree.

These would make great awesome Christmas gifts or any special kind of gift.

May we all shower each other with love.

Classic Trends

I was very excited to open the package from this Etsy shop and I was so excited to have it from our local community here in Utah. This shop donated beautiful and delicate Butterfly Earrings and a Butterfly necklace. It is simply beautiful. This shop has lots of unique hand crafted jewelry.

Please stop by for a visit and check out this jewelry. Thanks so much to Classic Trends for the donation of jewelry for Livi's tree.

If you have never stopped by Etsy - simple go to Etsy.com and it is an awesome on-line boutique. Stop by Classic Trends for some awesome jewelry!!!!

Livi's Festival of Trees

We are getting ready to do our Wings tree to celebrate Livi and to give back to Primary Children's Hospital in honor of little Livi. Through Festival of Trees.

After doing the fundraiser for my dear friend Lori, I decided why not get items donated. I went to my favorite site Etsy.com - and received donations and a heart full of gratitude for the kindness and generosity around the world - literally.

To give back to all my donors I am going to do a blog to give back. Hopefully my little followers of my little blog can pay them back and get some cute ideas for birthdays, holidays or just any days!

I can't wait to share with you all the tree for Livi!!!

Things I have learned

Since only getting two hours of sleep at a time....yes Sophie...just like you!
This is what I have learned being a Mom today.

1- I never thought that brushing your teeth for the day was the only make-up I would ever be able to get done!

2- Never ever wear a cute outfit by morning and expect it to be clean by the time you have to leave for a party.

3- If you want us on time to the party - please give us the time a hour a head so when we get there we are really on time.

May we love learning...

Mazie

So now that little Grayson has joined our family, Damon has seemed to have forgotten we have two dogs to take care of. One night coming home I found Mazie on our front porch and it appeared that she had been there for a long time because she was sitting on the steps sound asleep in front of our front door. Then tonight we had some neighbors stop by to come and visit Grayson. I remember asking Damon, "Have you seen Mazie?" He said, oh yeah she is in the house. Then I fell asleep to take a nap, those are needed right now...more than ever. Our neighbors came to the door and said, "I think Mazie...has been outside for a while." Yep, more like hours. I feel so bad. I am a horrible dog mom. We have now decided that I will be in charge of letting the dogs out to make sure that they all come home. At least we live on a quiet street!

It is kind of crazy right now.

May we all remember our pets, if we let them out....to bring them in!

Mazie is the gray and white puppy we adopted from a dear friend. Dear friend if you read this please know we are still good dog parents!!!

Tired and Loving IT!!!!

Today our little family went to Walmart. Hats off to my sister- sister-in-laws and all of my friends that have kidlets. What once use to take us a couple of minutes with one cart has now turned into two carts. One for our little squeaker and one for all the groceries and all the items on our list.

Once there was a time that I slept and received 8 hours straight. Now I am l lucky if throughout a 24 hour period I get 8 hours.

Our lives have changed. They will never be the same. I look at our little guy, I cry and think how precious each life is of a child. How each child, comes to us is simply a miracle.

I won't ever complain of the lack of sleep, for forgetting that I have fixed toast when 2 hours later I see it in the toaster.

No way - this is what I dreamt of and hope I will cherish forever.

May we simply cherish.

Baby Grayson

An adoption mentor who is near and dear to my heart once said, "You don't choose adoption...adoption chooses you."

Adoption choose us...and choose us fast to say the least. We had 48 hours notice that our little boy Grayson was coming into the world and we had to go and pick him up and bring him home.

It was an experience that was dear and near to my heart. Experience that I will never forget and will forever me imprinted on my heart.

I will share this...we love his birth-mom, she is beautiful, strong and courageous...we love his family...we shared four days with his family and fell in love with them. We hope and wish that they will forever remain in our lives.

Grayson - he is beautiful. Everyone stopped us where ever we went and commented on his hair. He has tons and tons of hair. He had his first bath and his hair went to the curls. He has such a sweet spirit and our home has felt peace even in our tiny little hotel room there was a great reverence for what a child can bring and the simplicity of life and of love.

We feel very honored to be his parents. We feel very honored to have had him chosen to be placed in our care and feel a huge responsibility to make sure that he is provided with everything that he needs.

In is with deep rememberance and heartfelt memories...that we will share with our Little Grayson about his little Angel sister Livi - that made it possible for his mom to live....she knew that the future did have in store for me to be a MOM.

I will always be a angel Mom and now I am the mom to Grayson.

Our hearts our full...our nights our short...but we have expanded joy after a deep impact of a life changing event both from my accident and also from this adoption experience.

Grayson Isaac Frazier - Born Aug. 20th - Weighed 7 and 1/2 pounds and 19 1/2 inches long.

May we all recognize the "Amazing Grace" that fills our lives and hearts. May we also see the tender mercies and the miracles that happen.

Lori

I have a dear friend Lori. When Damon and I bought our house, she was the first to come over and introduce herself and she was so nice and welcoming. She had her baby Lilly 3 months before our little Livi was suppose to come. I felt a strong connection to her and her family.

After our accident, bless her heart. She brought us food. Her husband spent many hours working on our yard. She cried with me and held my hand at Livi's funeral and supported me through the darkest and hardest hours of my life.

In February she was diagnosed with breast cancer. I visited her at the hospital. We cried together over scars, body image, pain and everything else that comes from having both survived traumatic surgeries and having to deal with cards that we never thought we would be dealt.

She is my hero. She is beautiful with her bald head. She is beautiful in everywhere from her heart to her smile that lights up the room.

She needs our help. She is a mother of five. Due to all of the medical bills as you can expect she is struggling. She has completed her fifth round of chemo and on August 27th we are going to celebrate and raise money for her.

I know I have a lot of family and friends out there that read my blog. Please keep her in your prayers. If you want to help out on August 27th or have something to donate for her silent auction. - Get a hold of me!!!!

May we all be each other's angels ....any way we can!

Haa Haa Haa

Damon and I have had one crazy week. We have lots of little projects going on. With me returning back to work it is hard to get everything back into a routine and schedule. Damon loves Shrek. He was very excited to show me mailing labels that he bought. I looked at them and looked at them. I couldn't believe the city name. Haa Haa - I almost pee'd my panties!

Super 8

Damon & I along with awesome friends A&C. Went and saw the movie Super 8. It is the kind of movie I hate. I think my sister-in-law SiSi told us not to see it. She didn't like it either. However I try to find something in everything to relate life and what is going on around me.

The movie plot: Train crash and alot of other things... I won't give it away. A lot of it too close to home for comfort for me and it was scary and I have to admit I kept my eyes closed for most of it. It is a little bit scary.

However in the movie there is a quote that has become my motto for now:

Bad things happen...but we can still live.

May the bad things teach us how to live & love.

Doctors and Doctors and More Doctors

I think that if I would write a book this would be its title. For those of you - who have ever had the opportunity to deal with the medical field more than once and learn of different doctors and personalities...you know what I am talking about.

I had yet another medical procedure done. This is a repeat from 2009 but due to my car accident had to be redone again. I cringed thinking this is going to hurt. Yep it did like always. I think I am immune to pain to somewhat of a level.

Before my accident....I hate shots, I can't look at needles. When drawing my blood I would turn and look the opposite direction, while holding my breath and almost always coming to the edge of passing out.

Now...go ahead and shot me...Yep I had a finger prick everyday for 4 months. To make sure my blood was clotting correctly. I can look at needles now. Although I won't consider them my friends by any means. Drawing blood...no biggie...5 vials on Wednesday to measure my titers and all of the lovely blood transfusions that I had to have. No holding breath here anymore. Just a breeze...Like a lovely walk through Sugar House Park or like the Other Half Marathon...I did in Moab.

Not really good news from the medical procedure, but I kind of knew that in the back of my mind. But still hoping for good news. Guess what another medical procedure tomorrow. I bet that one hurts too.

May we all appreciate the technology of the medical field. May we all see the good that sometimes comes from pain.

You Have To Be Kidding Me!

This week has been crazy!!!! I am beginning to think that life is crazier than ever and it is going to stay this way. Getting back into the swing of things and work has been difficult, but I knew and expected that it would!

I have had to endure more medical procedures and I think....well at least it isn't surgery but it still hurts and there is still pain....still more to come.

Now I started driving and I was feeling pretty confident but have to admit I still has PTSD. Guess what someone hit me while I was stopped. Yep, that is right I was completely stopped. This Lady in a Suburban tried to get in the turning lane next to me and went up over the median and took out my side of my Honda Pilot. I was shaking, crying...what luck I have. Luckily some witnesses stopped and gave me the license plate number as she turned and took off. She got caught. Why are we always in a hurry....hmmm I wonder?

Then I was getting ready to drive to St. George when Damon called and said he was in the worst pain in his life. Drove back home, to him to the ER and he had a kidney stone. It was weird having the role reversal. Him the patient, me the care- taker. I hated being in the ER just for the three hours, the sounds, the noise, the smells...everything came back. He is better and I am glad it was just that!

May we all take time...to enjoy the little things and not to always be in a hurry!

First Birthday in Heaven

Dear Livi - Happy First Birthday in Heaven. If you were here I promise we would have had one awesome first birthday party for you. I would have taken lots of pictures. I would have wanted to see your smile and see you eat your birthday cake. We would have had a cute girly theme and I probably would go out of my way crafting it - to make it extra special - with some of those little "Mom" touches - I would have done! I wonder if you would have taken your first steps soon. I wonder if you would get along with your little cousins. I wonder if you would have looked more like your dad or more like me?

Wow. I can't believe it has been a year. Through out this year I have learned.....sometimes your spirit says things and knows things in your heart before your physical body... sometimes you have to push your physical body to catch up with your spirit....sometimes there are no answers.

I listened to a wise soul...who advised me to make today special....do random acts of kindness in your honor and memory.

We delivered Cafe Rio to the firefighters of South Salt Lake. Kai he loved getting up in the fire truck and driving the steering wheel. Then some really special boys came B, N, W and their mom R. They got to see all the cool things that the firefighters do all the tools all the cool boy stuff. We went for a ride up in the high ladder. It took us up 85 feet. This ladder truck actually came to the scene.

I met Alex- the paramedic firefighter....he talked to me a lot. He explained that I was the hardest extrication that they have done because the Subaru car contributed to saving my life. Every time they tried to move the engine the car and it's parts would clamp down on my legs because that is what a car is suppose to do to keep you safe. It makes it hard to get someone out of a car. Alex gave me a hug - when I walked into the fire station and reported that it was good to see me. I asked him if I was nice and he said yes. He reported that during the car accident I would not let go of his hand. He held my hand the entire time he said. He would stop when he had to put the IV's in, but he would then grab my hand as soon as his other hand was free. Wow, what an amazing story....some stranger gave me their hand to hold, while I was going through the darkest day of my life... He said he had to pry it away once I was on the stretcher ready to get into the medical helicopter. He said, I have to go but you are going to be in good hands.

I wonder Livi - did you say this to me as well? Or maybe I said, it's okay you can go...I know you will be in good hands.

Ryan - he was so sweet with all of the boys and he was showing them everything. He told me that the uniforms they wore that day were about 40-50lbs. Imagine that in the blistering sun because last year it was over 90 degrees. He said that he almost fainted because when he went to get the chains out of the fire truck to wrap around the engine to try and get it off my lap that he didn't realize how heavy they were. Then he told me, "You are a miracle....he said that I died twice in the car." He said that because I had acidosis in my legs and they were pinned under the engine that every time they released it a little....I would go out....they would have to pump in more IV's and a IV medicine. He said, "you are lucky to be alive girl...it is so good to see you. I told him, "in a weird way...this is therapy for me.

My mom was there when he said this, is simply put down my sunglasses and tears ran down my check. I died twice. I live today.

I turned to my friend R that was near and told her, "He said, I died twice." She said there obviously is a reason you are still here today."

I went up in the bucket 85 feet high in the sky. I was with Soph, Rod and little Kai Kai. Two of the firefighters that took me up where present at the scene of the accident.

One reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone. He said, "I carry your picture of your car accident with me as a reminder to make sure that I take nothing for granted each and every day." He had my car or what was left of my car on his phone ....has had it since last year.
He said, "You are lucky... you hit a electricity box and took out one of the concrete barriers. We had to pick and move the concrete barrier before you could even get to you to preform your medical care. He went on to say.... you were only 6 ft away from a gas line. If you had your impact there. You would not be here today.

We took pictures together....I gave all the firefighters a high five and thanked them for saving my life. One firefighter Mike grabbed my high-five and gave me a big hug. He said it was really hard for the firefighters to walk away from the scene and come back to the station not knowing what was going to happen to me....if I would make it. He said it was good for them to see me....to give them hope for all of the hard work they do...to know that they make a difference.

Hats off and I mean hats off.... to my forever heroes. Thank you South Salt Lake Fire Fighters. Thank you and Cafe Rio are not enough. Nothing will ever be enough.

Livi - R and her boys and Aunt Sophie and Kai went to the new swimming pool in our subdivision. We played in the water. The boys all loved it...I think. Kai even went down the water slide once with B and the other time by himself ...I caught him going down on his back. He is a brave little stinker.

We came home to chocolates a beautiful quote, flowers with little purple butterflies all in them and a Edible Arrangements from Grandpa Frazier. R gave us a beautiful peony plant, some sweet pea seeds and Diane D. gave us a pink angel to put in our garden.

Dad & I went to your grave. We talked to you. There were beautiful flowers there with a Happy Birthday Balloon. The grass is difficult for me to walk on because of my ankle strength. Light was shining and I felt warmth and peace.

We went to Vivia's house to pick her up for dinner but all of our phones had died. We left a note for her. I wanted in the car, while your Dad went to see if she was home.

My tiny tender mercy came as I looked out the window and saw a yellow butterfly fly by. I haven't seen a live butterfly since the accident but whenever I see a butterfly for some reason I think of you. Dad came back to the car and he reported that he say it too and it reminding him of you.

We did other things in your name and in your honor, to help those around us and in our community. Simple acts of kindness.

Kai, Aunt Sophie and I sang you Happy Birthday in the car while we drove to the pool later on in the day. We hope you heard it.

May you have a Happy Birthday in Heaven.
May you also know that, "If loved could have saved you....you would have lived forever."

Dear Corrine-

Wow, one year. I can't believe it. You are in my heart always, especially
today. I hope the remembering has not been overly brutal today, though I
suppose you are probably feeling pretty raw. I just want you to know that I
love you and remember you and your Livi every day.

Much love,
Adrienne


Just wanted you to know we were thinking of you and Damon today. Your lil angel is watching over you. Know we feel your heartache as only someone who has lost a child can. We love you so much!
May our Tiny angel rest her wings!
Love Patti and Dad

Cancer

To my Aunt Alice: Fight Like a Girl! You are one tough chick!

If I can be a survivor and walk again - you can and will fight!

We will hold your hand and be there beside you all the way!

Addie Suzan Dredge

Little Addie - came into the world very big! She has the cutest cheeks. She is very cute. She sleeps for a long time and she eats a whole half a bottle! 4-6 oz. at a time! We are so glad she came into the world healthy. Her birthday was 5/15/2011

Catching Up

Catching up: There has been much activity since the last blog - I blogged.

Mother's day: Extremely hard very hard. I received a nice card from some dear friends in the neighborhood and they talked about how I was a Mom even though little Livi wasn't here with me.

My Birthday: Hard again. People would ask. How is your birthday going. My response, couldn't be any worse than last year. Couldn't be worse right! I think my birthday's are going to be a little bit difficult because it is close to Memorial Day.

Memorial Day: Visited Livi's grave. That was hard. I feel very blessed who took out time from their lives to go and visit there, it meant a lot to me. I was touched. Simply touched. One her headstone it states, "Many wait a life time to see an angel, we held ours in our arms."

We did.

May we be gentle to ourselves through the hard times. May the hard times be short.

Happy Birthday Grandma Hopkins

At the rising of the sun and at its going down We remember her. At the blowing of the wind and the chill of winter We remember her. At the opening of the buds and in the rebirth of spring We remember her. At the blueness of the skies and in the warmth of summer We remember her. At the rustling of the leaves and in the beauty of autumn We remember her. At the beginning of the year and when it ends We remember her. As long as we live, they too will live; for they are now a part of us, as we remember her. When we are weary and in need of strength We remember her. When we are lost and sick at heart We remember her. When we have joy we crave to share We remember her. When we have decisions that are difficult to make We remember her. When we have achievements that are based on theirs We remember her. As long as we live, they too will live; for they are now a part of us, as we remember her.. Grandma - I named Livi after you. I wanted her to carry a part of you, even though you never got to meet her. I remember and hold beautiful memories of your compassion, service to others but most of all...you never said anything bad about anyone. What a legacy, you left for me. I know hope and pray, that you will take care of my little Livi girl, until...I can be with you both. I know that your firstborn died too, now I hold you in a higher light for your strength and braveness of your tear journey. I wanted to let you know you are not forgotten. - I carry you in my heart.

Tears

It has been a while. Once you think that you get a handle on your grief, your heart seems to break and the tears come once again. It has been the toughest journey I have ever been on.

Livi's headstone was placed. Now her eternal marker of where her body lies has her name. I vow that she will never be forgotten. Never. I saw it I cried.

I attended an awesome lecture with my Dad, my bro - his wife, my bro-in law. I learned how our body, minds and spirit are all connected. I learned how we manifest this connection within our body language. I learned that vision boards really do work. I learned that I am a deeply spiritual person. I learned that there is a connection between heaven and earth that is very close. When someone asked, if I had children. I hesitated to answer. Then, she said, "Did you forget you had any kids? Oh I was furious. I cried. I didn't forget, I have scars all over my body, that does not let me forget. I struggle to give any information to strangers. They ask, if I don't say that I don't have kids, am I forgetting her? If I say, "I have daughter", the next question is always....how old is she? I cry....I don't forget her but I am sick and tired of telling my story. Tired. I think that my body is angry for all that I have put it through. The 13 surgeries and all, the pain, the fatigue, the weakness. I cry for the loss of my body.

Mother's day came and went. Dear friends brought me a beautiful card, with a message that tugged at my heart strings. I survived my first mother's day. Awkward. I am a mom? I cried.

Sophie won a makeover for four friends. We went and looked pretty - oh so pretty. Her friend mentioned that when I came to her house - she mentioned that I had a calm spirit about me. Hmm-where have I heard this before? - I cried.

I had lunch with a very dear friend Rachel. She understands more than anyone right now. I listened to her questions and her thoughts on this long grief journey. She is strong. She is brave. Why us? Why now? There are a lot of Why's. I ate lunch. Came home and cried.

"Tears are words our heart can not express."

May we all have tears and may we share in the tears of others.

Pain & Joy

Pain - is an unpleasant sensory and emotional experience associated with actual or potential tissue damage or described in terms of such damage. Joy - also refers to happiness - is a mental state of well-being characterized by positive emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy. Today I learned about how we might not know joy unless we know pain. I love the definition I found on pain. It doesn't describe your body being literally pinched between an engine and your body having over 7 broken bones and having to wait for help, not knowing what was going to happen. I received a CD of my accident photos. I can't say I was excited to see them. But I felt that it would be good for my healing process. I tried to open it up on my computer, it wouldn't let me. I told myself that as I looked at these pictures, I would remind myself that I am a survivor and that I made it through. Two of my dear friends are facing pain. Some of the pain I relate to very well. I have been there with drains taking my body fluids away from my burns in the ICU. Extreme pain that I watched the clock tick by ...in order to have more pain medicine, in hopes to take the edge off. I had extreme heart ache pain when I went to the ER 7 times not knowing if we would keep Livi with us long enough for her to survive. I know the pain of having your most long-waited dream, become a long- drawn out nightmare. To my two friends. There is not enough medicine to ease your heartache, fear or pain. Life is full of pain. However there is also joy. Joy comes in the little things. Treasure and soak in the love you feel. Breathe each moment and take it in to remember the heartbeat and the life you give and the life you have. I think for me my Joy has been in empathy. Before my accident I tried to feel how others were feeling. Now I know - in heart-wrenching emotion how certain experiences take your breath away. Joy - comes to me in knowing that I am there for them. I will do anything. I wish I could take their pain away, but I think I would rob them from the joy - that they will have in their own due time. Then their joy - will be shared in them being there for someone else. Here is to my friends M&L - I pray for you. I am here for you. Thank you for sharing in my pain. May we all fight the pain and live to discovery the joy in all our lives.

Knees

On Wednesday I had another doctor's appointment. I feel like I live at the U of U ortho center. I see three doctors there on a regular basis. My foot doctor, my trauma ortho doctor and my sports medicine doctor. Everyone knows me by my first name. I even brought the ladies at the front desk chocolates to make up for the time I screamed bloody murder when my toe-joint stitches came out!!! My foot doctor was pleased with my progress and I was excited to hear that I am not going to need any more ankle or toe operations. Here is the bad news always.....My trauma ortho doctor thinks that I have torn my PCL in my right knee as well as my left knee. Word on the street. Here I come Mr. Sport's Medicine Doc. (By the way - he is cute!) I am not the only one that thinks so!!! In two weeks I will find out if both my PCL's on my knees will need surgery. That would make my body in total - surgeries 14 and 15. So when little Kai Kai and I sing "Head Shoulders Knees and Toes." I think, "Oh no....here we go." Maybe I should sing PCL tears, femur breaks and pinned toes. May we all sing. May we all know it okay to be frustrated and want to give up sometimes.

Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep

I haven't blogged much. Life is still happening. Life still goes on. I feel like I am in torn in many different directions. My life my whole entire life changed after the accident even including now what I like to listen to on the radio, what I watch on TV. It is amazing how in one second my life changed forever ..... for ever. In three months it will be a year since the accident, but I live with it every day of my life like it was today. Little reminders of how I wobble when I walk and probably always will. How family members have to get home to put their kids to sleep and how I have an empty nursery, with no baby needing to go to sleep.

Somethings never get easier. Somethings I think will never get easier. It is still fresh. It is still raw. I am doing better at putting on a happy face, but come to realize I might never really have a happy heart.

One thing that does make me happy is the pictures that our wonderful photographer Jen Holt took when I wasn't even out of coma to have pictures of our Livi to bring us such peace and such happiness and comfort.

Another thing that made me happy was meeting Barb Smith with channel 4. She is an amazing woman with a very sensitive heart and a wonderful reporter.

May we all find reasons to live.

Unborn child saves her mother's life and give reason to live

HAPPY

Two friends have shared with me some great news recently. It has helped me to see that life is still happy and that life still brings good things!!!! It makes me very happy! I realized that life is about seeing the happy times and looking at the bright side to carry us through.

I also wanted to share with you another blog that my "Sista" and I have been working on. It is
http://poshpurses.blogspot.com/

May we all find things that we can be happy about.

Miracles

Little Liam came into this world screaming and kicking and ready to eat. Such a boy! He weighed 7 lbs and was 18 1/2 inches long. He is so cute. I can't stop holding him. He giggles and coos and he is very fussy if he isn't tucked into his blanket. I guess I would be fussy if I wasn't tucked in either right? He is a great combo of his Dad and his Mom. He has his Mom's lips and probably her eyes and he has his Dad's nose. He has very long fingers and toes.

Babies bring Heaven close. Babies are miracles.

Heaven came close when I received two Beautiful art pieces on the same day Liam came as a remembrance of our dear little Livi. They are so beautiful and when I saw them I cried. Heart String connections to friends are Miracles.

I cried.....
I cried when I entered the hospital room of a dear friend L. that is recovering from surgery. All too familiar you are so tired but you keep your eyes open. The pain medications make you itch. You get dizzy - easily... But the one thing that surgery can't ever remove from you is.....
YOU ARE....
You Are...beautiful, strong, believer, survivor, beautiful mother and wife, light, hope and faith.
You ARE....L.a miracle.

A tiny little miracle came as I was driving back from the hospital and I thought to myself....are the sounds coming from my new car....really marbles that are stuck somewhere and always slide when I turn. Very annoying. Annoying. It sounds like marbles going up and down the dash board. Getting out of the car, I realized not marbles in the dashboards but screws in the side door pockets. All eight of them. Yeah no need for dashboard diagnostics!!!!

May we see the big and small miracles that happen each and everyday.

My toliet seat riser was Jimmered!

Yesterday at church I was in the Library and I overheard some cute mothers talking about the toilet training and I thought to myself.....maybe it is time to do some toilet training myself! I hope all of you who read my blog and come to related and find humor in my struggles as I am still learning to find the bright side of all of this that has happened to me.

You see my knees both can't bend that far and I had to have a toilet seat riser to be able to get off the toilet without falling down and being stuck on the floor!

Here is to knee bending and getting off the toilet without any adaptive devices. Here is to toilets. They are a great blessing and we shouldn't take them for granted.

I heard the garbage truck pull up. I made a mad dash towards the bathroom and took the toilet seat riser off and threw it in the garbage!!! Here is to my cute neighbor Anna L. who cheered with me as I slam dunked it in just like Jimmer. He would be so jealous!!!!!

Here is to everyone who has small achievements that make us proud everyday!!!!

Beauty

Tonight my "sista" and Kai Bear went to a Fireside and the topic was "beauty" by Stephanie Nielson who was a plane crash survivor. Little Kai bear was bouncing all over the place so Sophie and I found a room that had a speaker to listen to what she had to say.

To say the least it was beautiful. She is a survivor and I related to her in so many ways. I think for those of us that have had near death experiences and trials that endure physical and emotional pain there is a connection to others and empathy that opens one's heart to understanding that no one else might be able to relate to.

Latley I have been really struggling with body image. There is not a part of my body from my toes to my chest that does not carry a "scar" from the accident. I joke with Damon that my cutest body part are only my left toes because they have glitter toes on them.

Tonight I realized that really "beauty" is only skin deep. That real beauty comes from the smile within your heart and the attitude you take in loving life and what life brings your way.

May we all try to see the true "beauty" that lies inside of each of us.

"Tax"ing

Here it goes: Damon and I are getting ready to do our taxes. That all too familiar time of year that I think everyone dreads this time of year. As we open our W2's we realize that we are very blessed because we are on the poverty level. As I am a Social Worker I am well aware of all of the federal and state help that we could qualify for because of the accident and we didn't work very much last year.

As I was getting my taxes ready, I was looking through my mileage for the record I have to keep for taxes and saw the last date that I kept track of that morning I left before the accident happened. Everything else was blank in the book. As I examined the blankness of the book I could not help to think that this evidence was left was pages without miles that I had taken in my car, but there have been emotional and heartache miles that would wrap around the book pages and pages long.

For me it was hard to see that morning I had laid to pen the miles I was started out as I went to work that day and for a brief moment I thought to myself....

I was pregnant and Livi was with me the time I was writing this and how much I took for granted...just then. If looking back and seeing what was going to happen I would tell her how grateful I was for her....because she was going to save my life that day. I would tell her that I was so glad to be her Mom and that she would forever be with me, not carried inside of me but forever carried within my heart. I hope she would be proud of me being her Mom for only a few brief months.

"Tax"ing - you see physically I am on the downward of recovery. My pins are out of my feet. I am walking...with a limp. My ankle is still sore. But what you don't see and what is most "tax"ing is this...an empty nursery, a closet full of clothes...and empty arms.

May we all see that sometimes the "tax"ing things in life are not seen but are felt in the hearts o others.

Time & Pieces

I recently spent time with my sorority family. Yes I call them family because I believe with my hearts we are. There is a sorority mom Jean - who has the strength and life experience to listen with her heart and guide us along.

Then there are the sorority sisters that who knew when we would be 18/19 that we would still be friends when we have houses, careers and marriages and the best of all children. That is a long time to be friends with someone when you met you were figuring out who you are.

I think I am having a mid-life crisis because I know who I am.... Corrine....but do I know who I really am.

I think after having a traumatic experience as I did we try to put back the pieces and make sense of what happened. I am beginning to realize that maybe all the pieces wouldn't be put back together and I have to learn how to deal with this.

My sorority family helps me by realizing that as I blubber that pieces will come and go but the accident will forever impact me and those who know me . That maybe in all of this chaos we could find the puzzle for the pieces to fit together, by knowing that other lives are impacted and maybe changed for the better.

I hope that this is what good could come from the accident.

May we all put the pieces of our puzzle together and be thankful for those who help us find the pieces.

Bagles & Owies

On Sunday we went to the M's for bagels. The M's are a wonderful family that I have known since I was in college and watching their kidlets. The kidlets are all grown up. One is graduating and going to college, one is jamming and doing well with grades and the other is a future olympic hockey player. The parents are awesome and when, I think of heroes....I think of them.

Most people think of heroes as the cape wearing, roadster driving and magicians escaping fire with no injuries. Well these parents one has devoted time and energy and her heart to helping children with disabilities while being a great Mom and the Dad he is an awesome stay at home dad that is concerned with the welfare of the world and the amount of money spent per student here in the state of Utah.

These are heroes.

Now for the owie part - Damon was gently pulling of my sock to show the family my cool pins in my foot and ...guess what, my 4th toe pin came right out... oops. No big deal didn't even hurt. I called the ortho center and tomorrow at 11 I have an appt. because they are concerned about the joints. Oops. Here we go to tomorrow we will see what they say. The pin is really cool. It is long and the bottom is really sharp. I am saving it for my scrapbook. If you want to see it let me know!

May we all see with our hearts who are true heroes are.

Five Alls

Yesterday was my parent's 34th wedding anniversary. Our family has been through a very crazy half of a year now going on 7 months after my horrific car accident. My parents wanted to celebrate all together. We my sister and my brother and their spouses minus little Kai Bear went to a restaurant in Foothill called the Five Alls.

It is called the Five Alls because it is a five course meal that has it's foundation in old English authentic dinner courses. My favorite part of the meal which is the first is : The pineapple/banana drink to clear the pallate.

It was great to be there and to have a new dinner experience. It was great to celebrate with my parents. They haven't always had to easy and have been through their struggles but still remain strong in their relationship.

The Five Alls are from the old English tradition relates to old English flags that flew out of the houses that represented the occupations of the homes. One of the five all's is "I pray for all."
I have seen this with my parent's in a variety of different ways and abundant during my accident and recovery.

May will pray for all in our own way.

9.9 on the Richter Scale

Here it goes...this is the conversation while my sister Sophie and I are at the U of U ortho center today for my checkup after my surgery.

AHHHHHHHHHHH - It was a 9.9 on the Richter Scale for sure. I think everyone there at the ortho center thought I was having a baby without an epidural or there was an earthquake solely
in my room. No one told me that I had stitches along the joints of my toes that the bone had to be shaved down to place the pins that go to the ends of my toes.

I have been through everything, one would think. I have survived having over 500 staples and stitches removed from without my body but today was the worst pain, I have felt in a long time.

Can you imagine having tiny 6 in total stitches along the middle joints of your toes, that are attached to the delicate nerve endings that have to be removed but in two weeks have become embedded into your skin.

I say never never again. I apologize to my sister for holding her hand so tight that we thought she would go into contractions and have her baby right there because of me.

To the nurse that tried to bribe me with a Diet Coke, like I was three, I say - Been through what I have survived and see how it feels to have someone touch you but it feels like fire all over because of all of the nerve damage that is in my foot.

To the medical assistant - yes I do have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I was hit by a car going 65 miles head on and because of this every time I step into a doctor's office or clinic, I hope that there isn't going to be pain, but usually there is lots of pain and I just have to "tough up."

I have learned that unless you have walked a mile in my orthopedic boot - this is my 5th that I have had. Do not say anything to me when I am crying. Just simply hold my hand - that will suffice....I promise I will not pass out.

May we all hold each other's hands.

Munchkin

Tonight we had family game night and played one of our new favorite games Munchkin. It took forever for Damon to explain the instructions. I was getting impatient because I was in a huge amount of pain. I went to dinner with the girls in my family we went to dinner and to our favorite shopping store Hobby Lobby. After this adventure my foot was in pain. Enough pain to call over the nurse and resident foot specialist in our neighborhood.

Thanks Southfield Medical Team - I really feel we have the best neighbors.

Speaking of Munchkins we have a new little addition of a munchkin in our family.

Tytan Dallas was born on Friday the 29th of January. He is so cute and Damon and I totally think he looks like his Mom.

May we all be grateful for the little munchkins in our lives.

Brighter Light

Today I was cleaning and came across these poems that were read in the hospital room as I first had the opportunity to hold my Little Livi.

Dear God,
We are the heartbroken,
we have cried so many tears
for our unborn child.
The pain we feel
is so deep and raw that
There are no words to express our sorrow.
Lift our hearts from this sadness,
Comfort us with your love,
We ask for your peace for we have
tried so had to succeed.
Help us to accept that there
is so much we may never understand.
Grant us your guidance
In making a decision
for the next course of action.
Restore our courage
So we can see tomorrow
in a brighter light.

-Ms. Janice Cave -

May all our tomorrows be filled with a brighter light.

Love Affair

For those who know me well...know that my love for the store IKEA has been a long love affair. It started in Arizona and California and I decorated with IKEA items in my dorm room and received many compliments on all of my stylish decor.

Here is our conversation last night.
Damon: Tell me about the details for your ideas with the downstairs bathroom.
Corrine: (Very excited to report details and that Damon is interested.) A white cabinet in the corner, a new rug of a bright color. A white shelf in which I will add white vases and plastic flowers and of course the nice piece of art that I bought a year ago and still has not been put up yet.
Damon: Vases and Plastic flowers....how much is this going to cost. Like 200.00.
Corrine: What are you thinking....more like 50.00 with my coupon savings.
Damon: Oh with the plastic flowers and vases .....it sounds like a bathroom that my Grandma would have.

Corrine thinking...Wow your Grandma most have been a stylish woman. What does he think? My decorating style....a Grandma?

Just you wait and see...I am going to take pics of the transformation and you can let me know if it is a Grandma's bathroom!

May we all be excited about new transformations.

Stomp

My little nephew Kai Bear came to spend the day with his favorite Auntie Re-Re. Kai loves to help me in any way that he can. He loves coming behind me when I am walking with the walker and push my butt down the hallway to the bathroom. He knows a cute booty when he sees one - Oh yeah.

Now I have to enlist the use of my walker and a walking boot to move due to my recent surgery. The boot on my right foot is higher than my left foot and I continue to have my limp in my walk as I did before but it is clearly noticeable.

I went to let Ella out the front door and I hear this stomp stomp noise.

It was Kai he was walking like his Auntie Re-Re left leg fine, right leg a big stomp. It amazes me how much the little ones look up and copy your every move. Even if you are stomping along.

May we all dance to the song in our hearts and stomp along. May we all be aunts that our nephews can be proud of.

Love

I came across this message as I was eating at one of my favorite restaurants with some of my fave people. I got this for a friend of mine that is facing a trial and hardship who is showing that she has a spirit of steel.

Love

Being deeply loved by someone

gives you strength,

while loving someone deeply

gives you courage.

May we all have courage.

Piece of cake

Today I left the house at 5:30 am too early I believe and left to get my right foot fixed. Now this makes it surgery number 13 on my body. I was excited because I have been walking on the side of my foot and it has been causing major pain in my knee and hip.

Before all of my surgeries I would be in complete panic and worry all night about the surgeries and be in complete meltdown when I went to check in for surgery. Not anymore. I am a new woman - when it comes to surgeries.

I checked in very calmly. The IV went in my left hand - note to self this placement is great better than the right.

Nerve block - no crying, no ventilating. Simply laid flat on my stomach and then the nerve block went in behind my right knee. Wow - piece of cake. Woke up the surgery was done in two and half hours. Results: No need for bone graft - hip hip hooray! They removed the bone in my foot that was causing me to walk on the side of my foot. They put in one more plate and screw in my foot. My third toe and some other toes the joints were shattered and they had to put silicone joints in. My toes have pins in them. Literally they look like pins that my Grandma uses to sew!

The bottle nerve block is working!!!! This is how it is suppose to go not like the last knee manipulation I had.

Here is to my new foot!! Thanks to everyone who has kept me in their thoughts, prayers.

May we all be grateful for excellent nurses, excellent doctors, for Vicodin and bottle catheters. For all our feet that are flat and help us walk properly.

Tug of War

Yesterday I used the last of the dog food for Ella and Mazie and dreamt of a beautiful outing as a dog family going to Petco all together to buy dog food.

Ella loves to go in the car and loves to go on rides. Mazie does too. They both usually fall asleep on long car rides and enjoy the time spent in the car.

As a dog mom I had this dream that as a family of four we would have a wonderful time and enjoy each others company all together in a friendly dog store. This was a great idea but this is how it turned out.

Mazie leaped from the car and was doing fine being on a leash until we got through the sliding doors and then decided that she was no longer going to walk and laid there with her leash on. Mazie chose to have a melt down. As a dog mom, I thought "I can handle this". Come on Mazie I thought. This was suppose to be a fun family outing. Many customers came through the sliding door and saw Mazie and laughed. After what seemed like forever the Petco trainer came and put a treat in front of Mazie's nose without letting her eat it to get her to move and then proceeded to do a sales pitch for Mazie coming to dog training class taught of course by her.

Meanwhile my trying to be again financially savvy came in with two coupons for the dog food. I thought that they wouldn't allow me to use both during the same transactions. I had a plan. Damon would go and then I would go to use the coupons. No big deal right.

Well at this time trying to pull Mazie through a tug of war through the store. I realized Damon was in charge of our other dog Ella. Where was Ella? Well Ella decided that she didn't want to stay and hang around while we stood there for hours trying to use our coupons for the best deal with the dog food.

She ate her leash. Yes ate it in half and now she was free to roam and run the Petco with no control.

What turned out to be a bonding family moment turned into a really expensive outing with Ella no requiring a chain leash in order to prevent her from chewing away her freedom. I decided that with Mazie what a tug of war it was - simply to get dog food.

What I learned using coupons is great on dog food only if you don't have to buy a leash that is destruction proof from a dog with razor teeth. In trying to save money we spent more money than expected to ensure Ella's safety.

Lesson Learned: Sometimes events in life can be planned. Sometimes they can't - therefore a tug of war may occur. Take a step back and laugh because sometimes that is all you can do!

Words to Marie : Be open and practice. Practice with "dog children" might help me to become a good human mom.

Remember

The events in Tucson and watching the TV and seeing the medical
helicopter makes me relate to my accident all too much.

It has brought make to remembrance the time I was in the ICU. I remember coming out of my medical induced coma. It is like waking slowly up from a dream. Each day I would wake up a little bit longer. I know what it is like to use all your strenghth to simply open your eyes. I know what it is like to be trapped in a body that you don't even know what happened. I remember trying to do sign language with my mom and sister and having to be restrained because I was getting frustrated with them not understanding what I needed or what I was trying to say.

I remember the breathing tube and how much I hated it. I tried pulling it out numerous times not conscious of how this was saving my life.

I remember how simply hearing Damon's voice would calm be down. I remember the comfort of sweet peace by sleeping and not hearing all the medical equipment go off all the time.

It is said that right after my accident my heart rate was exteremly high and the medical staff could not figure out what to do and gave me medicine to try and lower the rate but nothing was working. Damon then decided to place Livi in the bed next to me. I wish I could remember this but I only have a picture to share this memory. Needless to say my heart rate went down. What a little miracle.

May all the survivors and family members and the families grieving remember that everyone's life is a miracle. May they all find the miracles they need to keep fighting.

Diamonds

Today I went with my friends to celebrate a Birthday of a dear friend. Soph and Kai came along to celebrate with us, since I can't drive. That is one of the biggest bummers I have is not driving. I have to rely on every one's schedule and beg, like I am in junior high to take me places. A huge loss of independence for me, at times very frustrating because I wish my right ankle would bend. It doesn't and it won't until my surgery next week, so instead I have to learn how to bend.

Bending has always been hard along with change for me. I like routine and organization, knowing what comes next. This has been a big life lesson in learning that life is not as you always think it should be.

Then I reflect on how things bend and it is usually from some type of external pressure. Wow - this relates to my accident in all kinds of experiences.

One of the things that I learned from the firefighter luncheon that I went to in November was that the engine was broke in two ways . The top of the engine was forcing the bottom part of the engine to crush my legs harder as the firefighters tried to rescue me from my mangled car. I remember this as they were asking if my legs were hurting with the pressure.

I relate this to life that as bends and pressure come into our lives sometimes it is external and we have to wait it out until we bend.

Maybe the bending isn't exactly what we wanted but maybe through the bending and the pressure we might come out a more beautiful diamond.

Here is to making bends and pressure into our own diamonds.

Inspire

definition of INSPIRE. transitive verb. 1. a: to influence, move, or guide by divine or supernatural inspiration b: to exert an animating, enlivening, or exalting influence on ...

Yesterday it was my Mom's birthday celebration and we went out to dinner. Happy Birthday Mom! Thanks for being there for me through the toughest year ever.

My mom is a great example to me to being there for others. Each week she and a bunch of ladies in the neighborhood go and assist one of her neighbors that has a rare form of Lou Gehrig's disease or technically known as ALS Amyotrophic lateral sclerosis.

My Mom has visited with this friend for over 27 years and they go to dinner with a dinner group and have been there for each other through many hardships and life experiences that wrench your heart.

My Mom and I went to visit Carol after her birthday dinner. Carol and I talked about how we are bigger and better than our bodies. Our bodies do not determine who we are or what it is to contribute to life. Carol has no control of her shoulders down to her hands. She can no hold her head up. But what Carol does have is her control of her spirit, attitude and feet. She uses her feet for everything. She can turn on light switches with her feet. She opens her doors with her feet and also locks her doors with her feet. She even pets her dog with her feet.

Carol and I talked for an hour about the why's. We don't know why this happened to us. We might not ever know. What we do know is that we have been pushed to the edge of our testimonies and faith about life and that without these experiences we might not have never met the people we have.

Carol inspires me. Simple as that. We all have life experiences that we could scream, yell and give up on the world because this has happened without our permission or without our control. She inspires me because she simply lives and takes one day at a time and tries to make it the best she can.

"It is not good for all our wishes to be filled; through sickness we recognize the value of health; through evil, the value of good; through hunger, the value of food; through exertion, the value of rest.
- Greek Proverb "

May we all take it one day at a time and maybe write a quick note to someone who has inspired us!

Roadblocks - literally

This morning we woke up and were ready to hit the I-15 south freeway and shop for Livi's Festival of Tree - that we are going to do this year. We got on the freeway with high hopes that we were going all the stuff on sale - Our 2011 Frazier goal - to be financially savvy this year!

We get on the freeway and it was at a stand still. Literally road block. We were not able to get anywhere fast. I get frustrated fast because it seems like when you want to do things- even good things - you always get roadblocks.

I am sick and tired of roadblocks but realize that they are a fact of life. I try to see to look at it this way. Maybe the roadblock was there because we needed to take a detour!

May we realize that a roadblock may simply be a detour to a better place and a better time or a better experience. May we all survive our roadblocks!

New Year - New Things

Here is to 2011, it can't be any worst than 2010, I say for me at least. Here is to a new beginning and a new start.

New things - I ( hold your breath) ...actually made Lion House Rolls for a dinner we were having with friends and they turned out! Here is to baking in 2011.

New things - We saved 6 dollars on our grocery expenses due to me cutting coupons! Here is to saving money.

New things - New goals. Here is to trying to have hope and faith that simply everything will work out. Even though it might not be the way I wanted it to be.

I am who I am because of 2010.

May we all recognize the new things in life and may we all have a great 2011.