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Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Wish Right Now

I have come addicted to the song that has this lyric, "If airplanes were like shooting stars....I could really use a wish right now...wish right now."

There would be many things that I would wish for....

I would wish that I would have stayed 5 minutes longer at the client's house I was at before I left to drive down the dreaded road.

I would wish that I could have placed the crystal chandelier in the "pink nursery."

I wish that instead of snow - we would have falling sun rays.

I wish that tears could build a stairway to heaven.

I wish tears could be diamonds and then I would be a millionaire triple billionaire and I would give money to anyone that needed it (for a good cause.)

I wish others wouldn't say, "I understand."

I wish that things wouldn't hurt as bad.

I wish no one would judge and accept everyone...not matter what.

I wish that we could see each other as our Heavenly Father sees us... imperfections make us who we are.

I wish everyone could find that someone to love.

I remember one summer I was at girls camp and it was a star theme camp that year. I remember going on a night hike and laying underneath the stars. I think that it the quiet, meditation of the cool wind and the dark starlight night - I felt as close as I could to God. I felt like out of the millions of stars that he knew who I was and that he was looking down. It was a very spiritual event to me and I am glad that it happened in nature because I believe that in nature and in the quiet your heart opens up the most.

I came across this quote, "Perhaps they are not stars in the skies but rather openings where our loved ones shine down on us."

"If airplanes were like shooting stars...I could really use a wish right now."

May we all wish.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Growing Pains

I haven't blogged for awhile because life has been hard. Between doctor's visits and my physical therapy I have been tired and worn- out. Not to mention that me and the cold weather do not get along. The cold weather makes my bones ache and hurt and I feel like I am in junior high with growing pains. I have started taking a arthritis medication and we will see how this helps.

Speaking of growing pains - today was Damon's Birthday. As I looked forward to being a Mom, I also looked forward to this being our first family celebration as a little family of three. I tried to make it a good birthday for Damon, but it has been extremely hard. The past 4 months have been nothing but growing pains in a variety of ways for us.

Today at Damon's family's house a dear friend shared a story about the "cracked pot" - you can read it on this website :

I needed this today as much as we celebrate Damon's birthday there is a huge empty spot in my heart. But this story made me realize that because we all have times in our lives that our "pots crack" it is because of these flaws that makes us the most beautiful and allows us to be stronger and we all need to realize this and try to stay positive when the hard times hit.

May we all be grateful for our flaws.

Sunday, October 3, 2010

What I have learned....

Last week we had the Holt family over for some Barb-Q grub. Jen Holt is the professional photographer that took the beautiful pictures of Livi that we treasure. She reported that usually she does the video in black and white but had the feeling to do it in brown and pink which were our wedding colors. She said, "Livi must have told me to do it in those colors." The video is vibrant with all of the funeral pictures and all of the pictures we were able to have of "our sweet pea."
It has quotes and beautiful pictures and every time I watch it I cry. You would think that this grief journey would become easier but it is still tender and fresh to my heart. I think if she had survived she would be 3 months now. If she was born on her due date she would be a month. I keep these numbers always on my mind, but I feel they are engraved in my heart. And I feel if I forget these than she is forgotten.
Two quotes stuck out from the video. One was, "When there is great love there is always great miracles." - There were so many miracles that have happened out of this tragedy and I felt this was appropriate for this trial.
The other quote was my favorite, "My wings are not broken for they have brought me to my king." Livi is not broken...she is with her king.
One of my favorite lyrics to a song is, "I would not change the pain for what I have learned."
May we all simply learn....