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Friday, December 24, 2010

Fog

This month has been a month of fog in many ways. We live in the mountains and there has been fog that has covered the roads even during the bright sunlight. The fog covers everything and you are not able to see even outside our front door. The clouds touch the ground and sometimes I like to think that heaven is not to far away.
It seems like it is all a bad dream and that I will wake up and in the morning all of the fog will dissipate and I would be holding a 4 month old Livi and getting ready for a little girl's 1st Christmas.
Fog still covers my heart and always will....
but a friend bringing her little boys to play with the puppies...allows the fog to dissipate for an hour. Sharing in two different griefs allows us to drive through the fog, on different roads with our hearts as compasses.
Neighbors who listen to their hearts and allows the fog to dissipate through an amazing gift for Christmas.
For another neighbor who relates to surgery and pain and allows the fog to dissipate through being a survivor and crosses barriers of different faiths but we share the scars left on our bodies and our hearts.
For a sorority mom that dissipates the fog, with saying, "It is okay. I knew that I wouldn't be able to keep my child as well." For listening with a open heart instead of ears.
For those going through the fog I know how hard it is. It is thick and gloomy and you feel like you are lost and that there is no end in sight. You might be scared or worried or frustrated that the fog came your way, especially when you didn't want it or ask for it. You may simply feel lost. But I have faith that the fog leaves, that the sunlight pours through and soaks you all the way to your heart. The fog will still come and it should because this is life and life experience. But once you know you can make it through the fog, when the fog hits again it is a little bit easier to handle.
May we all share in our fogs and may we all help others to make their fogs dissipate.

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Forgotten

This week we went with our Wright Family to see the Christmas Play the Forgotten Carols. It was bittersweet. There is a part in the play and a song that says, "Mary let me hold her baby." I pictured this scene with Livi in the hospital as Damon wanted everyone to hold her. He told me he wanted everyone to have a relationship with her so she was not forgotten.

I really hate Christmas this year (and it is okay.) I guess I had secret wishes and dreams in my heart that we would have little Livi with us and that it would be a wonderful time together with our little family of three.

I remember the exact date of Dec. 15th, 2009 that the blood test came back that we were pregnant. We knew I was pregnant before this but this was the test that it was actually confirmed the pregnancy. I can remember exactly where I was when I received this call. I remember crying I was so happy. I remember every emotion & detail of going out and getting Damon a special gift to open that day to celebrate this news! This is why I hate Christmas. I will never forget.

Last year I was very excited to celebrate Christmas and it carried a special meaning to our family as we were preparing for our little one to come.

I know that life goes on. I know that others forget. It hurts.

I will never forget the day that she died. I will never forget exactly where I was when the car hit me. I will never forget saying, "help me, please help me." The emotions and details of the car accident are preserved in my heart, spirit and memory. Instead of Damon having a special gift to open, he held his arms open as Livi was placed in his arms at the U of U hospital with a social worker saying, "Your daughter did not make it."

I know that for Christmas we are to remember the gift of Christ. May we also remember that some gifts are felt within the heart and maybe reach out to others that are experiencing some type of hidden pain. I think Christ would see this as the best gift one could give.

Friday, November 26, 2010

Thanksgiving

Yesterday was a great quiet time spent with my family in a small city with all the yummy food and company to place a smile into my heart. I am grateful to be alive. Not many people can say that you have had a second chance at life and that your life was saved. Hopefully to continue on a mission in this life to help uplift those around me. I am grateful for my family. I am grateful for a cute, funny husband that keeps me laughing when I want to give up and hide.

I dedicate this funny blog to my sister Sophie Lofie and My Grandma Mary Lou. I hope you get lots of laughs and that you can add to your list as well.

1.If God had a fridge he would put your picture on it with a very cute magnet.
2.If God had a computer he would put your picture on it for a screen saver and a personalized mouse pad.
3. If God had a Visa Card he would download your picture and smile every time he used it.
4. If God had a car - he would personalize it with your name on the license plate.
5. If God had a restaurant he would name the most exquisite menu item after you.

May we all remember our Thanksgiving's in our lives and remember that God laughs too!

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Smiles and Pies

Grandpa Hopkins' hand with Livi

This week has been a really difficult week. It was a roller coaster of many emotions, learning new information about the car accident and heart ache of permanent impacts on my health that impact my future forever.

On Thursday I met with Platoon A of the South Salt Lake Fire Department with the paramedics and the firefighters that rescued me from my car. I will blog about this later. I am waiting for pictures to come. The impact that this luncheon had on me was inspiring. Those men and woman in uniform work under extremely dangerous circumstances and they are truly heroes and need a huge pay raise - in my opinion.

Thursday was my Dad's birthday. He has had a father's impact on my life and heart and I decided to bake him a chocolate pecan pie. This was a huge accomplishment for me. It included cool whip and raspberry puree. My Dad has always been the silent quiet type. He has been a huge example of service in heart stretching ways. Military service - he is a veteran and helped everyone with the cars, planes and cleaning chicken coops name a few. Well the pie was a hit. Happy Birthday Dad - thanks for being there for me through this heart wrenching 5 months.

Small impact huge impression in my heart. Today I went to my parent's ward due to my Marathon brother in law R - receiving the priesthood. Damon and I both received a huge heart warming welcome and I know that they really supported my parents and family during this last 5 months. The most heart touching for me was to see the Primary Kids that I worked with last year. All of them came up and gave us hugs and told us about Thanksgiving Plans and what was going on with school. It was a neat experience to think that not only did we teach them but they taught me about how strong their spirits are and how much we can learn from the children and what a great example they are to me and after a long week, I gathered strength from their smiles.



May we recognize the father's and father figures in our lives, may we remember that an impact sometimes isn't seen until later and that smiles can bring strength.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Answers

Sometime answers come through others. I think that one of the purposes in this life is to search for answers. Sometimes the answers we receive are to help others on the path of this sometimes crazy life.
One of the answers that came to be in a round about way was all of the people that I have met due to the car accident. There were so many people that open up their hearts and touched my life in a way that I never thought was possible. Who knew that I would find a friend that share my interest in having "dog children" or a champion horse rider that would get me back up on the "saddle of life" in walking! Or a RN nurse that flew with me in the Air Med helicopter and "flew" right into my heart with the challenges that she has overcome as well.

Sometimes the answers never become resolved. Possible they never will. I think that these are the most heart -wrenching and the most difficult for me.

In watching Marie Osmond this week it hit me and it hit me hard. (Yes when doing crafts galore I have Oprah on in the background!) She said, "If we live in the "what if's" - we stop living."

May we recognize answers and may we all live.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Foot




Today my sister Sophie and I spent what felt like an eternity at the orthopedic center at the University of Utah hospital. Here is the news.... my foot probably had breaks in it, that were not seen on any of the x-rays because they were small. They grew together in the wrong placement therefore making me walk on the right side of my right ankle. You may wonder - wow how do they correct something like this? Tomorrow bright and early I am going to get a CAT scan of my foot and then most likely bring on surgery number 12. Yep that is right more surgery.




If you do not laugh than you cry.

Tonight I had the experience of going to out to eat with a dear friend K that I met at Health South. She had to come back to Utah and go to surgery. It was great to see both of us out of our wheelchairs. Here is to transportation Mark, the nurses, PT & OT and the best Chinese Food! Good luck and thanks for visiting.
May we all laugh.


Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Little Things

We had an opportunity to adopt Mazie Mae from our dear friends M & J. She has added a lot of work in owning a little puppy but her and Ella get along very well. It is great to see Ella play. Mazie loves ice and will stand by the ice machine and push the ice around our hard wood floor and chase it. It brings me a smile to watch how a little thing of ice, can bring her happiness.

Damon and I went to St. George to get some sun. Of course he had to watch a little thing of a BYU football game and since they won. He was happy and in a good mood. It was good to get away for a while and I didn't take any wheelchair with me!

We ate dinner with my sister-in-law Shantel - she told me a little thing of one of her students asking how to spell happiness. It was great to spend time with her and to laugh.

Ask my sister Sophie Lofie - Does a little thing of fast food cause pregnancy?

One little thing with ten little fingers and ten little perfect toes - has wrapped herself around my heartstrings and not a second goes by that I don't think about her in fact it has been 120,096.00 little seconds and each second my heart beats with teardrops because she is not in my arms such a tiny little thing has taken up all of my heart.

May we all recognize the little things of life.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Dancing



I recently came across a quote that stated, " Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... it's about learning to dance in the rain."

To be honest there are days in which I just wish for the storm to pass. It feels like time has ended and - it didn't ask my permission to do so. Everything that I planned has now had to take a detour and I am not good with detours.

Halloween came. I had a dream that I would dress Livi up and be able to take lots of pictures and celebrate our first Halloween together. I was left feeling cheated. Cheated in the fact that everything including my body was destroyed and no one warned me or informed me that changes would happen.

Ankle - you would not believe how much your ankle holds your foot and allows you to move and walk correctly. My ankle was broken in three places with compound fractures - meaning the bone was coming out in three places. Now I am walking on the side of my ankle due to the plates and screws and the hardware and this is probably how I will walk for the rest of my life. This causes pain every night when I go to bed - I have muscle spasms in my ankle and my foot. I am not sure if I will ever Dance again.

Storm - I have dealt with many storms. One of the hardest storms is that I carry physical scars that are tied with heartstrings. Every time I see the scars on my legs, knees, ankle and tummy I physically carry with me the memory of Livi ripped from my body with no memory of this happening. Each day I see the scars and I think - not only are these scars but they are scars etched in my heart.

Damon and I went to visit Livi for the first time. I have not been ready before. It was good to go with my rock - Damon. We had time to contemplate and be with our daughter. It was peaceful and it gave me comfort that Livi is buried close to one of the Grandmothers she is named after. As I stood there - leaves where dancing in the wind and the sun was shining and it was a beautiful fall afternoon. I choose to bask in the sunlight and remember the happy times of the memories that I had with Livi and my Grandmother.

May we all Dance.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Wish Right Now

I have come addicted to the song that has this lyric, "If airplanes were like shooting stars....I could really use a wish right now...wish right now."

There would be many things that I would wish for....

I would wish that I would have stayed 5 minutes longer at the client's house I was at before I left to drive down the dreaded road.

I would wish that I could have placed the crystal chandelier in the "pink nursery."

I wish that instead of snow - we would have falling sun rays.

I wish that tears could build a stairway to heaven.

I wish tears could be diamonds and then I would be a millionaire triple billionaire and I would give money to anyone that needed it (for a good cause.)

I wish others wouldn't say, "I understand."

I wish that things wouldn't hurt as bad.

I wish no one would judge and accept everyone...not matter what.

I wish that we could see each other as our Heavenly Father sees us... imperfections make us who we are.

I wish everyone could find that someone to love.

I remember one summer I was at girls camp and it was a star theme camp that year. I remember going on a night hike and laying underneath the stars. I think that it the quiet, meditation of the cool wind and the dark starlight night - I felt as close as I could to God. I felt like out of the millions of stars that he knew who I was and that he was looking down. It was a very spiritual event to me and I am glad that it happened in nature because I believe that in nature and in the quiet your heart opens up the most.

I came across this quote, "Perhaps they are not stars in the skies but rather openings where our loved ones shine down on us."

"If airplanes were like shooting stars...I could really use a wish right now."



May we all wish.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Growing Pains

I haven't blogged for awhile because life has been hard. Between doctor's visits and my physical therapy I have been tired and worn- out. Not to mention that me and the cold weather do not get along. The cold weather makes my bones ache and hurt and I feel like I am in junior high with growing pains. I have started taking a arthritis medication and we will see how this helps.

Speaking of growing pains - today was Damon's Birthday. As I looked forward to being a Mom, I also looked forward to this being our first family celebration as a little family of three. I tried to make it a good birthday for Damon, but it has been extremely hard. The past 4 months have been nothing but growing pains in a variety of ways for us.

Today at Damon's family's house a dear friend shared a story about the "cracked pot" - you can read it on this website : http://www.lovethissite.com/crackedpot/

I needed this today as much as we celebrate Damon's birthday there is a huge empty spot in my heart. But this story made me realize that because we all have times in our lives that our "pots crack" it is because of these flaws that makes us the most beautiful and allows us to be stronger and we all need to realize this and try to stay positive when the hard times hit.

May we all be grateful for our flaws.

Sunday, October 3, 2010

What I have learned....


Last week we had the Holt family over for some Barb-Q grub. Jen Holt is the professional photographer that took the beautiful pictures of Livi that we treasure. She reported that usually she does the video in black and white but had the feeling to do it in brown and pink which were our wedding colors. She said, "Livi must have told me to do it in those colors." The video is vibrant with all of the funeral pictures and all of the pictures we were able to have of "our sweet pea."
It has quotes and beautiful pictures and every time I watch it I cry. You would think that this grief journey would become easier but it is still tender and fresh to my heart. I think if she had survived she would be 3 months now. If she was born on her due date she would be a month. I keep these numbers always on my mind, but I feel they are engraved in my heart. And I feel if I forget these than she is forgotten.
Two quotes stuck out from the video. One was, "When there is great love there is always great miracles." - There were so many miracles that have happened out of this tragedy and I felt this was appropriate for this trial.
The other quote was my favorite, "My wings are not broken for they have brought me to my king." Livi is not broken...she is with her king.
One of my favorite lyrics to a song is, "I would not change the pain for what I have learned."
May we all simply learn....

Monday, September 27, 2010

Gifts


This is the picture of what I deal with every night. You see Damon snores like no other. I couldn't sleep because I have been dealing with major pain. My last surgery really set be back because of the pain catheter not going in to the right place. I feel like I am not making progress like I should because I can't walk and bend my right knee all the way.

Anyways you would think that I would be upset about the snoring, but to me it is a gift. As I laid in bed last night I thought, "I would rather listen to Damon snoring than all of the sounds I have been through during the hospital and the accident."

I remember the jaws of life literally cutting me out of my car as the engine fell and burned my legs and stomach. It was one of the worst sounds - that I can't let go.

I remember the beeps of all of the machines that were keeping me alive. The beep for the IV medications, the beeps for my heart monitor and oxygen monitors the sounds for bed alarms.

I remember craving for silence. Now that I am home, I savor and think of all of the sounds in my homes as gifts. I recognize that these sounds are comfort and being home is a huge comfort to me.

May we all recognize the gifts that come to us by surprise.







Friday, September 24, 2010

Cheesecake & Shaving

Yesterday was a great day. My sorority sister friends came to pay me a little visit. We chatted, cried and ate cheesecake - a woman's delight. We have been friends for over 13 years. We were in the Lamda Delta Sigma sorority at Westminster. Even though we don't talk or see each other often, we try to shoot for at least once a year if not more, we can pick up right where we left off. These girls and our leader have provided me strength and emotional support and have influenced who I want to be when I grow up.

J - A woman of great integrity. She talked to be about have her son died and I have tried to take her advice to heart and it has helped me realize that we all have personal trials and journeys that make us who we are. I love you J.

A- What an amazing woman of strength and leadership. She is the relief society president for like the 15th time. She is an excellent mom.

R- I think of her as having quiet strength and lot's of patience. Also an excellent Mom and a wonderful teacher in many ways.

S- Love her humor - she can tell a story like no other and have everyone rolling and laughing on the floor. She taught me what qualifications one needs to have to be a falconer. Good luck with your Li'l apprentice coming soon!

M- We missed you. Heard you are the stake yw leader. I knew you had it in you. Always doing 10,000 projects at once and always on the go! You amaze me.

N- What a year for you. Congratulations. You have such amazing talents and it has been wonderful to see a new side of your womanhood and motherhood come out! We missed you.

Also guess what everyone - I shaved my legs! Almost three months of hair growing - Yikes. This is what Damon said, "Your leg hair is longer than mine." - Now I have beautiful shaved legs!

May you take time to remember your friends and how they have helped you grow. If you are growing you leg hairs out - don't it is not worth it at all. Shaved legs are always more beautiful.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

One tough Chick


Here it goes: went in for a right knee manipulation yesterday. Had to be at the U hospital at 6:00 am. Went to bed the night before at 11 and woke up at 2:30 am and did not go back to sleep. You would think I would be a pro at surgeries, but I freak out every time.


I received a femoral/sciatic nerve block. For those who have never had a nerve block, it is not fun. It is some of the worst pain that I have ever felt. This time the nerve block went great better than my left knee. The surgery went well, no need for a quad muscle release because my muscle was not intertwined with my scar tissue.


I went home with a femoral/sciatic nerve block. It looked like a baby bottle attached to my leg. This was not good at all. It is like a catheter that is attached into the muscle space between the nerves. I noticed it was leaking. Long story - short is was removed today and the medicine that I was suppose to have to numb my leg after having my right knee bent to break all the scar tissue, because I haven't bent that knee for almost 3 months.


Last week Damon bought me a hat. I think it explains it all. May we all recognize the tough chicks we have in our lives.





Sunflowers



On Monday of this week, my sister shared with me her talents of cupcake decorating. You would think that I could decorate since I am a scrapbook and cricut fasinista! However Sophie is much better than I am!

This made me think of talents: there have been so many that have shared their talents that have assisted me during this difficult journey.

Doctors - The U of U has some of the best doctors and I am grateful that they were able to put my body back together - kinda of like "Humpty Dumpty" - instead of a fall - car accident.

Nurses - I think that they have it harder than doctors! The caring ones and sensitive personalities really pulled me through during heart wrenching times.

Family - Wow where do I begin. I think I have the best family in the world. From a Mom - who stayed with me until 1:30 am as I was transferred to a new ICU room. Her talent for me is her comfort. A mother in law who has a wonderful talent in making beautiful table settings. A mother in law that is able to create magic out of wood! For all the family members that assisted me in eating - to cheer me on in my fight to rid my body of the feeding tube. To family members attending my therapy and playing games I never heard of.

I think so often that we become fixated on the creative talents and we measure ourselves to everyone around us. But what I have learned in my life changing experience is that the talent is really simple in being ourselves. We all have a light to shine and that light in many different ways is the talent that assist others, on their journeys. Many of the most helpful times for me have come from others that through simply being them - have simply strengthen me.

May we all think of our talents and realize that they do not have to be big, some of the best come in simple and quiet ways and we may not even think of them as talents!

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Changing Colors

We live on top of a mountain. I have recently noticed that the fall colors are spreading across the mountain. I love the fall the crisp air, our wedding anniversary and caramael apples are to say some of my favorite items of fall.

As I think of the changing colors - I think about the accident and what has changed. Once like the tree colors everything was the same as the green in spring and summer. Then within minutes - my colors and life changed.

Red - Anger - sometimes I wonder if there was anything I could have done to stop the accident. I go over so many times what I could have done. But I am still working in terms that there was nothing and I have to accept it. Anger in the fact that I still am dealing with emotional and physical pain. Pain has been really hard to face and to deal with.

Yellow - Hope - this reminds me of the sun. I try everyday to turn my life to count my blessings and continue to have hope to recover.

Orange - Energy - I have had to learn that the energy that I had, will not be the energy I have now. I have learned that not having a spleen - can really cause fatigue and now I have to be more diligent in taking care of myself and recognizing when I need a break.

Brown - Calmness - I love Starbucks hot chocolate and apple cider. My wedding colors where brown and pink! Brown the color of our yard, until the sprinkler system gets done. I have had to learn that with patience comes calmness. I have learn that there are things that I can not change and I need to learn how to deal with the things that I can not change and choose to be patient in dealing with this trial.

Happy Fall y'all!

Thursday, September 16, 2010

No more braces!

Yesterday I went to a follow-up visit with the Sports Medicine Clinic and the Orthopedic Clinic at the U of U and my doctor gave me the okay to not wear the braces on my right leg anymore. Now you would think that after having a brace on my leg for three months that I would be excited to get rid of it. Do not get me wrong I am excited but without having the brace I have to be brave and I have to trust my ankle and my right knee that I haven't used since the accident.

Trust now that is a hard thing to do but something that I have had to learn, during this experience.

I had to trust in the doctors and what amazing doctors I have to put all my broken bones together and make my body move again. Speaking of this - the 11th surgery is scheduled for next Tuesday - a manipulation on my right knee with a quad release if needed. Wow I am becoming a very experienced patient in the surgery area of life.

Trust that everything will heal and be okay. I am a person that likes to have control over all the areas in my life, during this experience I have had no control. I have had to learn to trust and have faith that the pain will subside, that my legs will heal, my ankle and knee will bend.

Trusting your body and working through the pain has been one of the hardest experiences that I have had to learn from. I was in a totally functioning body and then within minutes I was with major fractures and broken bones.

Please remember how beautiful our bodies are with our scrapes, bruises , acne - gray hair - our bodies are a gift.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

"It Happened"

Today my Mom brought to me Livi's medical bracelet, her blanket she was wrapped in and her tiny foot prints and her death certificate.

Being at home has given me more time to "ponder and think"about everything that has happened to me. I have begun asking my families for the details of the accident. I feel like I have been surrounded in fog - because the surgeries and the time I spent in the ICU, for the life of me I do not remember. I believe that this is a blessing. I continue to ask what surgeries I had and in what order because, I feel like I am living in a puzzle with pieces of my life that were scattered and I have to put back in place.

I remember everything about the accident, with clear detail and I continue to have panic episodes when driving. One thing that I remember was during my time at Health South Rehabilitation Hospital that I was having a very difficult, night and a nurse comforted me my simply saying, "Corrine you are looking at the situation incorrectly. There is nothing you can do to take it back or to not make it happen. You should think of it simply, "It Happened."

It happened this huge event in my life, I feel like from the beginning that I chose to be a survivor.

I choose to survive.

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Sisters

Yesterday my sister Sophie & I went to the scrap booking expo. It was a much needed escape from the walls of my home. I have become very bored, because you see I am a person that likes to be on the go, go and go.

While we were there, a song came on the radio that we played at Livi's funeral. I would like to think that she was there with us as we were having a good time being together as sisters. We have a saying that goes like this, "what happens with the Hopkins sisters, stays with the Hopkins sisters."

My sister Sophie dropped everything when she heard that I was in the horrific accident. She packed a go bag and ran to the LAX airport with her little son Kai- 10 months old and flew to SLC on the last flight available that day. She came to the hospital and was by my side since June 24th.

* She held my hand as the 500 plus stables and stitches were removed from my body.
* She held my hand as the torture of getting my wound care completed. I have never had such extreme pain in my life.
* She held my heart - as she cried with me numerous times as I simply talked about Livi and wanting to me a Mom.
* She held my heart - as she cried with me on the day we honored our sweet Livi.

My sister dropped everything in her life and decided that she needed to be there for me during this trial and moved with her family back to Utah.

She has been my nurse, aide, therapist, counselor, wound specialist, taxi-cab driver, receptionist, fashion designer, hair dresser, cheerleader, housekeeper, my best friend.

"God knew I loved you too much to be your friend, so he made you my sister."

Words can't express the gratitude I have towards my sister. She is a wonderfully person who has made it through her own trials to become a wonderful strong Mom. I can't believe she is a Mom but she is the best Mom - patient and loving and a wonderful teacher to Kai. I look up to her in so many ways and I am simply in awe of family relationships. I am grateful that I have her as my sister and all that she has done for me during this time. I love you sis!

Thursday, September 9, 2010

What if....

What if .... I go down this road when I try to figure out all that has happened to me. What if I waited 5 minutes before getting into the car and leaving to drive down the road.




I would be a Mom. I would have come home with a baby wrapped in a soft blanket instead of legs wrapped in braces. Instead of an empty nursery with the door shut because the pain is to much to bear, there would be a cute Pottery Barn crib set in colors of pink and raspberry with splashes of lime.




Splashes of tears have hit me lately. I have come to realized that those parents who have lost a child, never stop grieving, they simply learn how to live life through the grief.




While at the hospital, I was focused on physically healing by body. Learning how to breathe on my own, learning how to walk, learning how to respect my by body with all the scars. While at home, I have been thrown into trying to heal emotionally. Learning how to live without Livi.


What if... I wasn't pregnant. I would have died. That is what all of the paramedics, firefighters and all first responders to the scene told my family later after I survived.


In dying, she saved me. Now I have to learn how to live without her, but to live is the gift that she gave me. How many Mom's can say that their daughter saved their lives.


How proud I am to be an "Angel, Mom."

Monday, September 6, 2010

Butterflies


On September 3rd - I made it home. It was a wonderful site to see all the Welcome Home Corrine signs into our subdivision. Everything was covered in pink! We have wonderful neighbors that have been incredible in providing us help. I had butterflies in my stomach - thinking that this was going to be another big adventure in my new journey in life. My journey outside of the hospital.

Butterflies have been a theme that has connected us to our sweet Livi.

1. The first pink butterfly came with the sweet neighbors in the ward that came and decorated the hospital room with vinyl decor. The butterfly was directly in my sight from my bed and the decorations - made me feel happy!

2. The second butterflies came from my dear family members A. Tam, Uncle Tom and Kayla and Melissa. They had given to us a wind chime that needed to be fixed. They decided that they were going to take it home and fix it. But A. Tam and U. Tom both picked out two different butterfly chimes that were the same butterflies. They were the first decor that I heard coming home. The sweet, gentle sound made coming home delightful.

3. The third butterflies came from the beautiful frame that "Nana" made that held Livi's picture at the funeral service.

I did some research on butterflies and the meaning and this is what I found.

Greek Mythology- reports that Butterflies are the souls of those who have died.
Russians also believe that the root word for butterfly is the soul.
Mexicans believe that when butterflies migrate that they are souls returning to their families.
Christians believe that a butterfly is symbolic of the spiritual evolution we go through.
Butterflies symbolize change.

We decided that we liked these ideas and we placed a tiny butterfly on Livi's headstone to help us remember the times butterflies have come to us, during this difficult trial. "Fly, Fly - little one."

May we all remember "the butterflies" we have in our lives.





Monday, August 30, 2010

Home Metephors

Yesterday I went home to my house which I haven't stepped foot in since June 24th. I didn't actually get to step foot in it - more like drove my wheelchair into my home. Things have changed and stayed the same - all the same, it was bittersweet experience for me.

Changes - Never take for granted the opportunity you have for health and the ability to walk independently. Now we have a huge wheelchair ramp that takes up our garage. Instead of a two car garage we have a wheelchair ramp and one car garage.

Doors were widened. My walker had to be right by me at all times. Couch was too close to get off the ground for me to stand up and be able to walk easily. I am now the proud owner of two toilet raisers. I never thought I would have to use these! The front lawn was completely torn up to place in the new sprinkler system and to do landscaping.

How this relates - Things have stayed the same. - I am grateful that I am simply alive. I required 16 units of blood to keep me going during the trauma surgeries. The average person requires 8. There is a huge reason that I am still here and I am thankful for my health and for the opportunity to have my legs and to walk with assistance.

Instead of my doors being widen, my heart has. Thank you to all of my family members where ever you may be for your love support and prayers and for all of the wonderful little things that have opened my heart to see how much I am blessed. And how grateful I am for my individual relationship with all my family members.

To all my friends, thank you for taking time out of your busy lives to come and provide a wide opportunity for tears, laughter, making up for old times and showing me that your friends can provide you with strength to keep going. You are like the walker I have to use now. My friends are always there when I need strength to stand. Also like the walker that is brand new, through this experience I have gained new friendships that are amazing.

To the toilet raisers - The thing that has stayed the same is that I continue to need the use of a toilet as all of us do. Thank heavens for toilets! This experience has proved to be that I can raise above anything - including the toilet!

To the torn up lawn - this experience has torn be to pieces. Physically - I have never dealt with intense physically pain - that I thought would never get better or ever go away. Emotionally - I have been "broken" to pieces, I never thought that I would walk away from August 27th with empty arms that would not hold my dear, sweet and tender Livi - that I waited so long to have.

As the lawn is getting fixed - I hope my fixing will come in time with healing. Physically I have started to heal and are learning each day that slowly the physical pain is decreasing. Emotionally I will always be torn in pieces but as a new lawn provides beauty, this experience of being a Mom to Livi is beautiful and I will never regret all that I have learned - it has been beautiful.

Here is to wheelchair ramps, toilet seat raisers, walkers and a new lawn. Here is to coming home!

Saturday, August 28, 2010

Skipbo and King in the Corner

Today during Occupational therapy I played my two favorite games. Skipbo and King in the Corner. They are both forms of Solitaire. It is good to keep the mind active while partaking of the pain medication. I played with my cousin Melissa. She came up to visit with me and spent the day with me because Saturday's are boring and laid back for sure. I enjoy the girl time for sure.

Here is what I have to relate to life and cards.
In the game of Skipbo- if you are the winner you are able to get rid of the piles of cards that you have the quickest. However it is all by chance. In life and especially with me dealing with the cards I have been dealt (the accident) it was all chance. But I relate to the piles of cards as trials. Some are dealt a small hand, others are dealt a bigger hand but in the end we learn from the cards we are dealt and it molds us into the people we are and the perspective and outlook we have on life. I can choose to have this experience destroy me or I can choose to keep my faith and strength and determination and face things head on with a positive outlook, over a situation that I had no control over. I choose to face the "pile of trials" in hopes of becoming a stronger and more resilient woman.

Kings in the Corner - This game is played by allowing the King Card to be placed in the four corners and then the cards go in descending order and color. I learned that I had many "Kings" in my corner helping me through this experience.

My husband Damon - He has been incredible through this and our relationship has become stronger and we are determined to make it through this no matter what. He has been and will continue to be my rock. He has shown to me what unconditional love is and I will forever be amazed at what his love has helped me accomplish.

My Dad - he is the strong and silent type and the "fixer." He is the one that is working on getting the handicap bathroom fixed and he was the one that helped with all of the arrangements for Livi's funeral. He has been my hero behind the scene.

My Brother - he has been the one to assist through humor. Loved the blown-up wedding picture and he has been the sensitive one and the great uncle to our little Livi and has been willing to drop everything and assist in his own way.

My Arizona Father in Law - Willing to fly out at the first word and support my husband through the darkest nights of his life. To be a listening ear and to be sensitive to the relationship of loosing a child all to soon and giving his advice.

My Pleasant Grove Father in Law - Willing to give a blessing of healing, willing to stop by after getting home from a long business trip - "just to say hi." Always having a joke to bring the sunlight of laughter into the room.

May we all think about the cards we are dealt with in life and how they have shaped our lives and made us stronger. May we all recognize the "Kings in our Corner" and express to them our gratitude and love.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Stairs, Cars & Walkers - Oh my!


Yesterday I kicked butt in physical therapy and I conquered the world of stairs. Okay there were only four stairs but with my heavy boot on to protect my broken ankle it felt like I hiked Mt. Everest. When I got to the top of course their were cheers all around the gym and lots of photos were taken.

During my time in Physical Therapy I have often sat back and had emotions of envy and jealousy as the more mature ladies and gentleman in the facility would cruise right in front of me in their walkers. I thought, when is it going to be my turn to get up and cruise with a walker. A walker? Who would have thought that I completed a half marathon in Moab in the fall of 2008 and now here it is 2010 and I have to learn to use a walker to simply walk.

Yesterday I achieved the impossible. I, along with my walker completed a 54 feet walk in the physical therapy gym! It felt great as the wind in my hair blew and as the sweat dripped down my face. I told myself this is it, I am going to make it to the Olympics. I started looking for the finish line and realized - 54 feet is not much distance but it was the distance in my heart that mattered because I had achieved a great goal.

Today - Sophie Lofie and Damon Doodle Noodle - parked their cars and I learned how to slide into the passenger seat. This means freedom! Once I got into Sophie's car - I asked her to hit the gas pedal and let's go to Vegas - Then I got into Damon's car and it was the same car I always remembered it to be. I then turned to Damon and said put the pedal to the metal and let's break away from this joint. However the fear of driving came back to me.

It is going to take a lot of bravery and courage for me to be in a car and drive places. Driving is something that is going to take a long time for me to work through. Please remember to not use your cell phones while driving. I have decided to take a pledge with my "sista" from Cali that no talking or texting is worth getting in an accident. We have decided to join Oprah's no phone zone to take the pledge, I encourage you to do the same. Also, remember to wear your seat-belt, I know that wearing my seat-belt saved my life.

Cheers!

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

It's me Corrine - I have taken over my own blog!

Hello everyone - I have decided that I should become the author of my own blog. I have never blogged before but there is no time like now right? I want to thank everyone for their support, prayers, thoughtfulness and friendship. This experience has taught me the kindness of others, helps to heal and helps to strengthen.

Updates: I am walking now. It is more like a hop-a-long. This is how it goes. I put my right leg down on the parallel bars and then my left leg hops to it because I now can put full weight on it. It looks kind of funny but when you haven't been walking for two months - it is amazing how great it feels to actually walk. I average about 40 feet but I continue to push to make it a little bit more during my physical therapy session. I am now doing two full hours of physical therapy a day.

Things that I have learned during my experience:
* Allow others to assist you when they can but make sure that you always set boundaries.
* A smile goes a long way to others that might need a pick-me-up.
* Singing "The Wheels on the Bus" might scare other elderly residents when transporting to a doctor's appointment. (Damon)
*Sleep Sleep Sleep
* An experience that you go through - might not be for your gain but it might help others to teach from your example.

(More to come!)

Sunday, August 15, 2010

And the Healing Continues

Now that Corrine is out of the brace on her left leg she is also able to put full weight on that leg.  She can also put partial weight on her right leg.  She has taken her first steps.  I don't think Corrine ever thought this day would come.  It has also been nice to see Corrine without quite as much extra gear.  I can only imagine how nice it is for Corrine to have less bulk to have to move around with. 

Corrine I know it is hard sometimes to see the progress you are making on a day to day basis.  But you are doing amazing!  Keep up the hard work.  You are one amazing women!

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Another Update

I just found out that Corrine has been able to get rid of one of her accessories.  She no longer has a brace on her left leg.  YEAH!!!!!   Tonight after her surgery Corrine was in the machine that helps her keep the motion going in her knee, they had it set to bend to 65 degrees.  And in PT today Corrine was able to bend it to 72 degrees.  Way to go Corrine!  Keep up the hard work.  You are doing a great job!!! 

Birthday Celebrations and Updates

Corrine and Damon have one nephew on each side of their family.  The first on either side.  They happen to be only 11 days apart in age.  They also happen to be turning 1 this year. Monday night we had a little combined family party for them at the Rehab Center so that Corrine could be involved in the festivities.  It was a lot of fun.

In the video neither of them seem to be too into the cake, but after a little coaxing both of them got into it.  I don't have the continuing videos, but they both had fun.  It is so funny how two boys can be so different.  Once Maddex got into the cake he dug right in.  Once Kai got into the cake he didn't dig in like Maddex he was very proper for a 1 year old. 

Corrine had doctors appointments yesterday.  They were very pleased with how her wounds were healing.  In fact they are healing so well that they are no longer having to use the wound vac on any of the wounds.  Yeah, Corrine is free from the wall again.  But her Orthopedic doctor was not as happy.  Corrine had to go back into surgery again this morning.  They had to break up the scar tissue in her knee.  It has kept Corrine from being able to bend her knee past 35 degrees, she should have been able to be up to 70 by now.  Everything went really well with surgery, the doctor was very pleased with the results. 

Saturday, August 7, 2010

Livi Abighail Frazier Honored


Yesterday was one of the hardest days I have ever lived through.  It was so hard to to see such a beautiful little girl laying in such a tiny little casket.  Livi was beautiful in her mom's blessing dress with a headband on that included the Frazier plaid.  Corrine looked absolutely radiant.  She had this amazing glow about her.  Damon radiated love for both of these women in his life, his beautiful wife and his little sweet pea.

A Scottish bagpiper played as we walked into the chapel that was filled with so many people who love Damon and Corrine.  After a beautiful musical number of primary songs we were soon sweetly reminded of the plan of salvation or the plan of happiness that our Heavenly Father has laid in place for us.  We were reminded of the choice we made to follow the plan of our Heavenly Father and come to earth.  We knew it would be hard, but that we were given an example of how to live so that we could return to live with our Heavenly Father and our families once again.  Our Savior volunteered to come to earth, live a perfect life, then give his life so that we could have the opportunity to follow His example, repent and return.  It was then turned to Livi and how she volunteered to come to earth to save her mother's life so that Corrine could finish her mission here on earth.  Such a selfless act of love.  Damon and Corrine were also sweetly reminded from the words of the prophets that as long as they live a perfectly as they can they will one day be able to raise this loving spiritual giant from infancy to her perfect adult state.

At the cemetery after Corrine got to go 4 wheeling through the grass,  the bagpiper again played as Livi was brought to her final resting spot by her loving uncles.  A sweet prayer of dedication was given by Damon to protect Livi until the day she would again be brought forth from the earth at the time of the resurrection.  The ground was also dedicated to be a place of healing, that all those who were to come to that spot would feel the comfort of the spirit and be calmed in their troubled hearts.  In Scottish tradition the bagpiper played one last song to accompany Livi to heaven.  We then gave one final tribute to Livi as we released pink and purple balloons into the sky.


We love this little girl and can not wait until the day that we can once again embrace her and finally get to know her.  Livi we love you more then you will ever know.

We would also like to thank everyone who came to support Damon and Corrine and their family.  We would also like to thank again Personal Touch Transportation for getting Corrine where she needed to be.  And to Larkin Mortuary for all their efforts to make these last moments with Livi as special as they were. 

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Funeral Updates and Directions

With the Funeral coming the end of this week there have been a lot of questions on how to get to the church were it is going to be held. 

Directions:
Coming from either north or south you are going to take I-15 to I-80.  Take I-80 eastbound.  You are going to get off I-80 at the 1300 S. exit.  Turn Left (North) at the stop light on to 1300 E.  You are going to turn Right (East) on to 2100 S. (right by the Sizzler).  Take 2100 S. east to 1700 E. Turn Left (North) on to 1700 E.  The address of the church again is 1889 S. 1700 E.  Parking is in the back of the building.

Map to Building

The times again as a reminder are- Viewing: 9:00 am -10:30 am with the funeral to follow.

We would also like to thank Personal Touch Transportation who will be transporting Corrine everywhere she needs to be that day. 

We greatly appreciate all the help that has been given in preparation for the funeral. 

Monday, August 2, 2010

August 2

We have been playing musical apartments this weekend, thus the lack of posts.  Corrine is still doing well overall.  Some days are more tiring then others.  Friday for OT Corrine was able to go to Sweet Tomato for lunch.  They were working on how to function in public places with a wheelchair.  She said it was a really interesting experience to say the least.  She found that many public places like resturants are not really handicap accessable.  It also helped her to understand and appreciate those who have to deal with disabilities as a part of their life permanantly.  By the end of the day Corrine was exhausted and it carried over through the weekend.  It is fun to be able to see the things that Corrine can do though it is going to be a little while before her stamina is built up to where she can do all this without being worn out. 

Keep up the hard work Corrine.  We continue to pray for you.

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Yep still staple free...

Yesterday I was able to fill in for Sophie and be there to help Corrine and the wound care nurse with Corrine's dressing changes.  Just as we were getting started the doctor came in and was looking at things to see how Corrine is healing.  There was a random steri strip on the middle of Corrine's thigh that we took off thinking that it had come undone from one incision area and had just gotten stuck but it was actually covering another small cut or incision.  When we got looking at it we couldn't believe what we were looking at.  There was a staple.  We had thought Corrine was staple free last week.  So the doctor gets ready to pull out the staple, and what did we find...it was just a scab.  Corrine was so excited to find out it was just a scab.  Staples are not the funnest thing to have pulled.  So Corrine is still staple free.  She is also getting closer to becoming steri strip free as well.   

Corrine contiues to heal well.  She is doing amazing.  It was fun to be there during the day and be able to see Corrine up and moving, getting from the wheel chair to bed. 

It was also fun to be able to be there when Damon got there last night.  They are such a cute couple, still so in love.  Last night I realized how hard this is on both of them to not be able to comfort each other the way most couples would.  There really is no cuddling or being able to hold each other, not even a real hug.  That broke my heart.  But they are so strong.  This could really tear two people apart, but Corrine and Damon have totally pulled together.  From an outsiders point of view, I think this accident has made them stronger as a couple and allowed them to grow even closer then they were before.  You two are amazing.  Thank you for the example you are of how to rely on the Lord and each other to get through this. 

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

July 27

Sorry there haven't been any new posts lately.  Things have kind of slowed down on the recovery front.  Corrine of course continues to make good progress each day but the progress is much slower now that the major hurdles have been overcome. 

They keep Corrine very busy at the rehab center with all of her therapy and dressing changes.  They push her hard which in the end is going to be best for her when she has healed much faster then if they didn't, but going from day to day it gets exhausting.  Corrine is getting to play the Wii for some of her OT, it is nice that they mix it up.  Variety is the spice of life, right? 

Friday, July 23, 2010

Livi's Funeral

The funeral is going to be on Friday Aug 6, 2010.  The viewing will be from 9 am- 10:30 am with the funeral following.  The viewing and funeral will be held at the Mountain View 3rd Ward Building. The address is 1889 S. 1700 E.  Interment will be at Wasatch Lawns.

Keep an eye on this post there will be updates with a little more info in the next few days.

July 23

Corrine continues to improve daily.  She is now down to two open wounds.  And she is now stitch and staple free.  They took the last of them out today.  YEAH!!!!!!!!

There isn't a lot of new news.  Corrine continues to get stronger daily and her stamina to sit up continues to get better.  She is determined to be out of the rehab center quicker then the doctors told her she would be there.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Updates on Corrine

Corrine continues to amaze us with her ability to heal. Or maybe I should say that the Lord continues to amaze us with the blessing of Corrine being able to heal so fast.  All of the open wounds that she has have healed to about half the size they were a week ago.  We are all amazed with how well Corrine has responded to the wound vac help.  It isn't necessarily a pleasant experience to have it changed, but it sure beats dressing changes twice a day.  And it will have definitely been worth it when all those wounds have healed a great deal faster then they would have other wise.

Corrine is also doing well with working on her stamina to sit up in the wheel chair.  She has been able to sit up for 3 hours at a time for the last couple of days.  It has reminded us all of the things that we can do that we tend to take for granted. 

They have been really working Corrine's legs and ankle in PT lately.  It leaves her sore and tired by the end of the day, but she is doing well there. 

Corrine you are such an amazing example to all of us as to what can be done if you set your mind to it.  Thank you for that great reminder.  Keep up the AMAZING work that you are doing.  We love you and are so excited at the progress you continue to make.  We are your cheerleaders forever!

Monday, July 19, 2010

Thank You

This blog is long over due.  So many of you have done so much in so many ways.  
Some visible some not so visible. 




 

 

 

There have been many flowers sent and they have been enjoyed greatly.  
There have also been many meals brought in. 




And most importantly...



 This is only the tip of the iceberg of things that have been done for Corrine, Damon and their entire family.  Thank you!  I know I have said this multiple times over the last few weeks.  But it can't be said enough, and doesn't feel like it will ever be enough.  We pray that the Lord will bless you for all your efforts and all you do.

Friday, July 16, 2010

The news you have all been waiting for...kind of.

Corrine is now ready for some visitors.  We know all of you have wanted to come up and visit.  We appriceate that you have waited until Corrine is ready.  Though she is ready she is not ready for tons of people all at one time.  She has a busy schedule with therapy and dressing changes everyday.  To help with crowd control and so that you don't have to wait for long periods of time to see Corrine if you would like to visit Corrine we are asking that you call Sophie to "set up an appointment" (including family).  Sophie's cell phone is 1-310-970-4946 (you can either call or text) or you can call 801-485-0160.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Updates

Sorry I haven't posted for a few days.  I have been going to do a post with pics but it just hasn't happened yet so I thought I should at least get some of the details out. 

Corrine is doing better and better everyday.  She is blowing the doctors out of the water with how fast she is recovering.  Yesterday and today she has had doctors appointments with the different services who are caring for her diffferent wounds.  Yesterday was Orthopedics.  They took out the rest of her staples and stitches, they said everything was looking good.  Today was burn and trauma.  The burn doctor was absolutely amazed at how well Corrine was doing.  They took the stitches out and called it good.  Trauma said pretty much the same thing.  They were kind enough to not take the wound vac off (it was just redone yesterday).  With Sophie there and having just seen it they took her word for it.  Everything is healing nicely. 

Corrine is also getting stronger everyday.  We have all decided by the time she is done with all this she is going to have the muscles of a body builder with all the working out she is doing.  Corrine is doing well with getting herself out of bed and into the wheel chair, but because of some of the breaks in her legs it is harder to get back into bed so if no one is around she is stuck until someone comes back to help her. 

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

July 11 and 12

Sorry, I tried to post this yesterday but the internet at the rehab center and I were not getting along.  So let me try it again today.

Apparently not much happens on the weekends.  It is pretty slow.  So there wasn't as much PT or OT as I thought there would be.  They do have sacrament services there for those who would like to participate which was nice for Corrine and Damon.  We went up and spent the afternoon with them and were able to celebrate Sophie's, Corrine's sister, birthday with her. 

Monday was a busy day for Corrine.  She had PT twice yesterday and OT once.  Corrine is making progress, she was able to get out of bed and into the wheel chair by herself.  She had to have help getting back into bed because the bed was too high.  They were able to get her a different bed that is going to make it easier for her to be able to get both in and out of the bed by herself.  They also changed the way they are doing her dressings for two of her open wounds.  They have put a wound vac on.  With this they have put a sterile sponge into the wound that is then covered by an adhesive plastic that creates a seal around the wound.  No one is completely sure why this works, but the vaccum suction is able to keep any drainage out of the wound as well as help the tissue to granulate faster, in other words the tissue heals faster. 

The blessings continue to pour in.  Jamie, Sophie's friend, works for Home Depot.  Unknown to us until this week Home Depot has a program were they get vouchers to use for community service.  So Corrine is going to be part of their community service this year.  They are going to provide all the supplies to finish a major portion of Corrine and Damon's basement.  This will allow for Corrine to have a bathroom that will provide for her needs right now as well as a bedroom and a living space.  Jamie thank you for all your hard work on this.  (Jamie if I missed or messed up any of the info please feel free to comment with clarifications). We are also working on getting her a chair lift to help her get  up and down the stairs.  We continue to feel the Lord's blessings pour down upon Corrine and Damon.  One of my favoite LDS hymns is I Stand All Amazed.  I think the words fit perfectly with how we are all feeling right now.  "I stand all amazed at the love Jesus offers me..." 

Thank you for your continued prayers.  Please continue to send them Corrine's direction.  They are working well.

Sunday, July 11, 2010

July 10

Yesterday was Corrine's first day in the rehab center.  Right now she is not supper excited about being there.  She really just wants to be home.  That is where we would like her too, but until she is able to be up and on her own a little more they won't let her go home.  I think part of it being so hard is because it is a new place with a different way of doing things and she is not quite into a routine yet.  While we were visiting yesterday a lady from Occupational Therapy (OT) came in and gave her a bunch of info on what is going to be going on.  Once tomorrow hits she is going to be busy.  She is going to be having Physical Therapy (PT) twice a day and OT once a day.  It was also a hard day for Corrine because yesterday was the day she was supposed to have the baby shower with Damon's family.  So it was a hard day full of many tears for the loss of her little angel. 

Friday, July 9, 2010

July 8 and 9

Corrine has made a couple of huge steps in the last couple of days.  Yesterday Corrine got into a wheel chair for the first time.  She sat in the chair for 2 hours.  

The tiara is definitely well deserved.  Corrine is the queen of recovering.  She is a trooper for sure.  The blue brace on her right foot is to help her get range of motion back in her ankle.  By the end of the day she was already to 90 degrees.  Corrine said it was pretty sore but you have to do what you have to do to get better. 

Today Corrine changed homes.  She no longer resides at the University of Utah.  She is now in the rehab center.  As you can see by the pictures Corrine is doing much better.  But to everyone's dismay, I'm sure, we are still asking that she not get visitors yet.  With all the energy that her body is using to heal and all the energy it takes just to move let alone do her therapy she is exhausted.  Don't let the smile fool you.  Behind those pearly whites and sparkling eyes is one exhausted girl.  When her energy levels are higher we will for sure let you know.  Besides we are not totally sure what the rehab center's policy is just yet.  She is definitely going to need all of you as time goes on so don't you worry there will be time for everyone. 

We have talked a great deal about the miracles we have seen come from this accident.  Corrine in and of herself is a miracle.  And the fact that she is healing so quickly is an even bigger miracle.  The doctors told us that she would be in the hospital for 4-6 weeks before she even got to the rehab center.  She is definitely ahead of schedule.  As we have talked about all this we all attribute her speedy recovery to the faith and prayers in her behalf.  Thank you for all your thoughts and prayers.  We know you love Corrine as much as we do and want nothing less then a complete recovery for her.  She will get there with time and a lot of hard work. 

Thursday, July 8, 2010

July 7

We had our first minor set back.  At first we thought it was going to be a huge problem but in the end it was not too big of a deal.  The plus side of it all is that they took out all of the staples in Corrine's abdomen and right leg (there were over 300 of them).  The set back of it was that as time went on during the day part of her abdomenal incision started to open back up.  There was talk at one point of having to take her back into surgery to fix it but in the end they only needed to put steri strips on it.  So the set back was defiately minor.  We did find out yesterday that her right femur fracture was a compound fracture (bone broke through the skin) so her scar and skin repair around her knee is more intense then we thought.  Other wise Corrine is still plugging along.  What an amazing example she is to me of how to fight and move on no matter what cards are dealt to you.  We are not sure when they will be moving her to the Rehab center, but there was talk of moving her today.  I guess it will all depend on if all the doctors clear her to be discharged from the hospital.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

July 6

Yesterday was a good and hard day all in one.  If you follow this blog regularly you know that Corrine had surgery yesterday.  Everything went just perfect.  She didn't have to have skin grafts, which is what we were all dreading might happen.  So we were all pretty stoked to know they were able to avoid that extra pain for Corrine.  But of course she was the most excited.  If she could have gotten up and danced with excitement I think she would have, but instead she did her best dance of excitement from her bed. 

They also tried to take out the staples that are holding her abdomen together, but her incision isn't healed yet.  She said it was pretty painful to get out the ones they did.  They ended up putting butterfly bandages where they removed the staples and leaving the rest.  They are going to have to call in a specialist to remove the rest of them. 

They are also getting ready to move Corrine to a rehab center.  We are not sure when or where yet.  But it could be anyday now.  We as a family are hoping they will wait until some of her open wounds are healed a little more but we will see what happens.

Corrine is doing pretty well over all as well.  Of course there are the ups and downs, but last night she was helping her brother and I with ideas of how to arrange and decorate the apartment we are moving into.  She is the same cute Corrine we have all grown to love so much. 

Monday, July 5, 2010

July 5

Corrine is looking much better today.  They had to give her 4 units of plasma.  Because the breaks in her femurs were so bad it has kind of traumatized the development of blood from her bone marrow so her levels were low.  There really isn't a whole lot more to report.  She is doing amazingly well at a week and a half.  She is going into surgery in the morning for the burns on her stomach.  Please keep her in your prayers.

Sunday, July 4, 2010

July 3 and 4

So I kind of went on vacation over the holiday weekend.  But progress continues.  On the 3rd Corrine was moved out of ICU.  YEAH!!!!!  She is now in a normal room which is much quieter.  The only equipment she is attached to now is an IV and a little bit of oxygen. 

Corrine is now doing more physical therapy.  They have a bar attached to her bed that has an attachment that she is using in therapy to help move and adjust herself in bed.  She has gotten out of bed and into a chair.  She is a very proactive patient.  If you know Corrine at all she doesn't just sit well.  So she is doing everything she can to get better.  Her next goal is to get off the oxygen completely. 

Because she is doing more in trying to get better she is more exhausted. 

Corrine and Damon appreciate all of your love and support.  We all do as a family as well.  If it weren't for the prayers and faith of all of you we truly believe that Corrine would not be healing as fast or as nicely as she is thus far.  The blessings and miracles continue to pour in.  We know that she is also being attended to by her beautiful angel Livi as well as her many other loved ones that have already passed from this world.  This afternoon I was reading Corrine the poem that is in the about me section, and could truly feel her presence.  She is ever present helping and caring for her mom in ways no one else can. 

We know many of you wonder how Corrine is doing so we got a picture of our beautiful princess for you all to see.

Saturday, July 3, 2010

July 2 Update

I know I have said it before, but it is amazing what a good nights sleep does for a body.  After getting an assisted (sleeping pills) good night sleep Corrine was doing so much better then on Thursday.  I was shocked at the night and day difference in her ability to cope and enjoy life as it is right now.

One of Corrine's Physical Therapists happens to be a girl that Corrine knew in her singles ward.  That has been nice for Corrine.  I don't know the Therapists name but she was able to take Corrine outside for about 20 minutes yesterday.  They had to use one of the Cardiac wheel chairs because sitting up more then about 30 degrees right now is really painful.   But she is getting there.  Corrine's new favorite phrase is "this sucks".    We all agree with her. 

As part of the injuries that we didn't know about until later Corrine got a pretty bad burn on her abdomen.  It is bad enough that they are going to take her into surgery on Tuesday.  They are just going to cut out the burned part and let it heal on its own.  They figure she has been through enough that they are not going to put her through the trauma of skin grafts. 

Friday, July 2, 2010

July 1 Updates

Corrine has made progress. 

She got her first drink of Diet Coke yesterday!



She was so excited.  They also got her into a sitting position yesterday.  She said that was almost worst then having the chest tube pulled.  Corrine is also able to start eating real food again.  They told her yesterday afternoon that if she can eat a full days worth of meals they would take out the NG tube.  That definately gave her some motivation to starting eating.  She didn't really have an appetite last night, which makes it hard to want to eat.  Each day there is a little bit of improvement.  Corrine is also having a hard time sleeping at night, so last night they finally gave her something to help her sleep.  I was thinking about it last night.  It is amazing the things we take for granted in our daily lives.  I do appreciate the opportunity to realize how fragile life is and that we can't take anything for granted.  We never know when it can all be taken away from us. 

Corrine's anxiety levels high right now, of course.  And she gets overwhelmed really easy.  So we are still limiting visitors to immedate family.  We as her family appricate that you all understand that right now is not the best time to visit even though all of you would love to come see her.  We promise when she is ready we will let you know. 

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

June 30, 2010

Again today Corrine made huge steps towards getting better.  They were able to take her chest tube out.  Corrine said it was one of the worst things she has ever gone through.  But the tube is out!  Every tube removed from her body is a step closer to getting better. 

Corrine is an amazing patient.  She has to use the spirometer to help build her lung strength and capacity.  She is regularly telling whom ever is there that she should probably use it again.  She will use it for a minute or so then she will have to put her oxygen mask back on because her levels will go down too far.

Corrine was also able to get a hair cut today.  With the humidity of the oxygen mask and her hair on her neck it was just too hot for her.  I haven't seen it yet, but I am sure it is cute.  Thank you Tammy and Kim for helping her to be a little more comfortable. 

June 29 Updates

Sorry I didn't get the updates of the day posted last night. 

Corrine is doing and looking so much better each time we see her.  With her off the ventilator now she is doing well given the circumstances.  She is of course really weak and sore.  But they were able to sit her up a little bit yesterday.  That was really nice to see.  Corrine is still on oxygen.  If she takes her mask off at all her vitals start to go haywire.  So she is still having a bit of a hard time breathing.  But she was cracking jokes and trying to keep the air lite. 

They also brought baby Livi back in for Corrine to see her.  They were able to take a few pictures of the two of them without all the tubes down her throat. 

The road is still going to be long and hard.  I know that prayers are continuously being said in behalf of the entire family, but I would ask that you especially continue to pray for Damon and Corrine as they struggle through this hard and emotional time. 

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Pictures as promised

Early Friday morning Corrine was having a very hard time resting and was very restless.  Once Livi was placed on her chest Corrine was able to get a few hours of sleep.



Damon spending some time with his precious little angel.

Here a few other pictures of Livi.



We would like to thank the hospital as well as Jennifer with Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep (www.nowilaymedowntosleep.org) for the pictures of Livi.

Monday, June 28, 2010

Update June 28, 2010

It's amazing what a good nights sleep will do for a body.  Last night everyone left by 7pm with instructions given to the nurse not to allow any visitors at all.  This morning Corrine was doing so much better.  She was alert and watching TV.  Pain is still an issue but being kept under control.  Corrine was taken for more x-rays today.  They checked to see how her legs, pelvis, and lungs were doing.  Everything is looking good.  In fact her lungs are looking so good that they were able to take her off the ventilator.  Tonight she was looking and doing even better.  She isn't talking a whole lot yet because her throat is sore from the tubes.  But it is good to see Corrine's beautiful smile and hear her voice when she does talk. 

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Updates on Corrine June 27

We just got back from the hospital visiting Damon and Corrine.  Damon is doing surprisingly well.  It is obviously still a struggle and an emotional roller coaster.  But given all that has been thrown at him he really is doing surprisingly well.

The doctors said today that all of her internal organs are doing really well.  She has not had any blood in any of her drainage tubes since things have calmed down from surgery yesterday.  They believe that her spleen was the bleeding problem.  With that gone she is doing much better.  The swelling in her hands and face has gone down even more since last night.  In fact they had to put a smaller neck brace on her because she has shrunk so much.  Things are starting to look up. 

The doctors have said that Corrine is not getting enough sleep due to the number of visits she is receiving.  Every time someone walks into her room and says her name loudly or touches her hand it startles her awake and it takes her time to calm down to go back to sleep.  They have strongly suggested that we keep the amount of people visiting to a minimum.  We know that you all love Corrine so much and want to see her and let her know that you are there for her, but we would like to follow the suggestions of the doctors and ask that at this time visiting from friends stop.  We are sorry that it has to be this way, but we need to think of what is best for Corrine at this time.  When she is up for visitors we will definitely let you know.  If you would still like to come visit Damon you are more then welcome to visit him in the waiting room.  I know he would appreciate the love and support from the visits.

Donation Account and Corrine Update

So many of you have already made your way to Wells Fargo to so generously help with the financial end of this ordeal and were told that there wasn't an account set up.  If you went yesterday morning that is true.  We didn't realize so many of you would respond so quickly.  That gesture in and of itself has meant so much to Damon and the whole family already.  The account has now been set up.  You can still go to any Wells Fargo, the account is under Corrine Hopkins Frazier. 

We are keenly aware of how much good there still is in the world of so much bad by all the love we have felt from each of you.  We appreciate every gesture of concern and desire to help.  Thank you so much for all the support you have all given to the family already.

As of 10:00 last night Corrine was still listed as critical but looking much better.  Some of the swelling in her face and hands has gone down.  She is resting and working on healing know.  We will continue to post update as they come about.

Saturday, June 26, 2010

Updates as of June 26, 2010

This morning Corrine was taken back into surgery.  They removed her spleen and checked out everything else to make sure she wasn't bleeding anymore.  They were then able to close her abdomen completely.  At this point they have her sedated so that she can get some rest and so her body can start to heal. 

Damon was also able to bring Livi back up for a little while this morning.  To see her again and let some of his family who hadn't had a chance to see her hold her and love her for a few minutes. 

I promise we will post more pictures but I wanted to get the update out so that you all knew what was going on as of now.