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Sunday, October 3, 2010

What I have learned....

Last week we had the Holt family over for some Barb-Q grub. Jen Holt is the professional photographer that took the beautiful pictures of Livi that we treasure. She reported that usually she does the video in black and white but had the feeling to do it in brown and pink which were our wedding colors. She said, "Livi must have told me to do it in those colors." The video is vibrant with all of the funeral pictures and all of the pictures we were able to have of "our sweet pea."
It has quotes and beautiful pictures and every time I watch it I cry. You would think that this grief journey would become easier but it is still tender and fresh to my heart. I think if she had survived she would be 3 months now. If she was born on her due date she would be a month. I keep these numbers always on my mind, but I feel they are engraved in my heart. And I feel if I forget these than she is forgotten.
Two quotes stuck out from the video. One was, "When there is great love there is always great miracles." - There were so many miracles that have happened out of this tragedy and I felt this was appropriate for this trial.
The other quote was my favorite, "My wings are not broken for they have brought me to my king." Livi is not broken...she is with her king.
One of my favorite lyrics to a song is, "I would not change the pain for what I have learned."
May we all simply learn....


nennermommy said...

Thank you so much for that delicious bbq food!! I loo forward to another get together! I just adore you to pieces!!!!! XOXOXOXO

Bethany Hopkins said...

Corrine thanks for all your posts. I finally got to watch Livi's video yesterday. It was so touching. I just love that little girl to pieces. Jen did a great job!! It was perfect. I hope you know that Livi will never be forgotten. She will always be apart of our family. I do hope that the pain will ease sooner then later so that the memories can be bright and full of hope. Jessica mentioned something awhile and go that has really stuck with me. I can't remember which blog it was on, but you will never move past Livi. As time allows you will move forward, but it will always be with Livi.

Jessica said...

I think Jen Holt coming to your life was another miracle. I am so sorry for your loss. As the years go by your grief will change but will none the less be real. You will watch that video a million times.

I still watch my video of Elizabeth. Here we are getting ready to take Rachel to nursery. In some ways I fear it because all of the children (14 of them) that were born the year Elizabeth was are in the nursery. She would be a Sunbeam in January with them. I may cry. I may cry a lot. But it is okay to grieve.

Don't let anyone tell you that you should be over it. It never will really go away, it will just change. She is with you always even when you are unaware of her presence.

denielleandshawn said...

Oh so sweet to have something so nice to reflect on. Always be proud and honored my dear, to know that you were called to be a Mommy, to such a righteous little lady, that she did not need this life. I'm sure she looks down on you every day with that same pride for you.

denielleandshawn said...
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Adrienne said...

Thank you for sharing this journey with us, Corrine.
Livi will never be forgotten.
You are a miracle--your strength, pluck, honesty, and spiritual and emotional depth and maturity are truly miraculous.
Love you,