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Sunday, December 5, 2010


This week we went with our Wright Family to see the Christmas Play the Forgotten Carols. It was bittersweet. There is a part in the play and a song that says, "Mary let me hold her baby." I pictured this scene with Livi in the hospital as Damon wanted everyone to hold her. He told me he wanted everyone to have a relationship with her so she was not forgotten.

I really hate Christmas this year (and it is okay.) I guess I had secret wishes and dreams in my heart that we would have little Livi with us and that it would be a wonderful time together with our little family of three.

I remember the exact date of Dec. 15th, 2009 that the blood test came back that we were pregnant. We knew I was pregnant before this but this was the test that it was actually confirmed the pregnancy. I can remember exactly where I was when I received this call. I remember crying I was so happy. I remember every emotion & detail of going out and getting Damon a special gift to open that day to celebrate this news! This is why I hate Christmas. I will never forget.

Last year I was very excited to celebrate Christmas and it carried a special meaning to our family as we were preparing for our little one to come.

I know that life goes on. I know that others forget. It hurts.

I will never forget the day that she died. I will never forget exactly where I was when the car hit me. I will never forget saying, "help me, please help me." The emotions and details of the car accident are preserved in my heart, spirit and memory. Instead of Damon having a special gift to open, he held his arms open as Livi was placed in his arms at the U of U hospital with a social worker saying, "Your daughter did not make it."

I know that for Christmas we are to remember the gift of Christ. May we also remember that some gifts are felt within the heart and maybe reach out to others that are experiencing some type of hidden pain. I think Christ would see this as the best gift one could give.


Jessica said...

I'm so sorry. It isn't fair. Of course you planned how Christmas would be this year.

We spent our first Christmas without Elizabeth by ourselves. We couldn't bear to be around all her happy little cousins. Doug made rolls and we took goodies to the nurses who cared for her. Then we came home and cried together until we were numb again.

I wish I could take your pain away. We love you three!

The Goodwins

Tanya said...

I'm sorry you are going through such a hard time. It's not fair that you guys have to go through all this. I know the hurt from what you've lost will last forever. I only hope and pray that one day it will be a little easier to live with.

I want you to know that I was one of the lucky ones to get to hold Livi and I will never forget her beautiful, perfect, angelic face. There was such a sweet spirit in that room, I will never forget that experience.

Mira said...

Corrine, I'm so sorry. I wish I could do something to lessen the pain.

denielleandshawn said...

I'm so glad you got to see the Carols. At the end, Did Michael sing his song "we can be together forever?" That's one of my faves that we use dto sing growing up, and a perfect setting, to sing it there at the Carols. I hope that you have lots of peace and comfort this week, as we continue to head into Christmas. Lots of love.
Your crazy neighbor,

Marie said...

I think you are amazing. I hope that you remember what a gift you are in my life.

Kim said...


Heather said...

I can only imagine what you and your husband are feeling and going through. You are such a special person and I was blessed to get to know you and to do the little that I did in assisting your physical recovery. In spite of it all you continued to have the brightest most beautiful light inside. I hope that you are safe and well.

Anonymous said...

I'll be thinking of you and Livi on Christmas. Thank you for all of your love, kindness, and example.

Kara Witt said...

Once a mother always a mother. Whether our children are close or far it doesn't make us any less of a mother. Holidays are always the most difficult with other children running around, it feels as though something is missing . Even though some may not remember, we always will.