This week we went with our Wright Family to see the Christmas Play the Forgotten Carols. It was bittersweet. There is a part in the play and a song that says, "Mary let me hold her baby." I pictured this scene with Livi in the hospital as Damon wanted everyone to hold her. He told me he wanted everyone to have a relationship with her so she was not forgotten.
I really hate Christmas this year (and it is okay.) I guess I had secret wishes and dreams in my heart that we would have little Livi with us and that it would be a wonderful time together with our little family of three.
I remember the exact date of Dec. 15th, 2009 that the blood test came back that we were pregnant. We knew I was pregnant before this but this was the test that it was actually confirmed the pregnancy. I can remember exactly where I was when I received this call. I remember crying I was so happy. I remember every emotion & detail of going out and getting Damon a special gift to open that day to celebrate this news! This is why I hate Christmas. I will never forget.
Last year I was very excited to celebrate Christmas and it carried a special meaning to our family as we were preparing for our little one to come.
I know that life goes on. I know that others forget. It hurts.
I will never forget the day that she died. I will never forget exactly where I was when the car hit me. I will never forget saying, "help me, please help me." The emotions and details of the car accident are preserved in my heart, spirit and memory. Instead of Damon having a special gift to open, he held his arms open as Livi was placed in his arms at the U of U hospital with a social worker saying, "Your daughter did not make it."
I know that for Christmas we are to remember the gift of Christ. May we also remember that some gifts are felt within the heart and maybe reach out to others that are experiencing some type of hidden pain. I think Christ would see this as the best gift one could give.