Wednesday, November 3, 2010
I recently came across a quote that stated, " Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... it's about learning to dance in the rain."
To be honest there are days in which I just wish for the storm to pass. It feels like time has ended and - it didn't ask my permission to do so. Everything that I planned has now had to take a detour and I am not good with detours.
Halloween came. I had a dream that I would dress Livi up and be able to take lots of pictures and celebrate our first Halloween together. I was left feeling cheated. Cheated in the fact that everything including my body was destroyed and no one warned me or informed me that changes would happen.
Ankle - you would not believe how much your ankle holds your foot and allows you to move and walk correctly. My ankle was broken in three places with compound fractures - meaning the bone was coming out in three places. Now I am walking on the side of my ankle due to the plates and screws and the hardware and this is probably how I will walk for the rest of my life. This causes pain every night when I go to bed - I have muscle spasms in my ankle and my foot. I am not sure if I will ever Dance again.
Storm - I have dealt with many storms. One of the hardest storms is that I carry physical scars that are tied with heartstrings. Every time I see the scars on my legs, knees, ankle and tummy I physically carry with me the memory of Livi ripped from my body with no memory of this happening. Each day I see the scars and I think - not only are these scars but they are scars etched in my heart.
Damon and I went to visit Livi for the first time. I have not been ready before. It was good to go with my rock - Damon. We had time to contemplate and be with our daughter. It was peaceful and it gave me comfort that Livi is buried close to one of the Grandmothers she is named after. As I stood there - leaves where dancing in the wind and the sun was shining and it was a beautiful fall afternoon. I choose to bask in the sunlight and remember the happy times of the memories that I had with Livi and my Grandmother.
May we all Dance.
Posted by Corrine Frazier at 9:53 PM