Yesterday I went home to my house which I haven't stepped foot in since June 24th. I didn't actually get to step foot in it - more like drove my wheelchair into my home. Things have changed and stayed the same - all the same, it was bittersweet experience for me.
Changes - Never take for granted the opportunity you have for health and the ability to walk independently. Now we have a huge wheelchair ramp that takes up our garage. Instead of a two car garage we have a wheelchair ramp and one car garage.
Doors were widened. My walker had to be right by me at all times. Couch was too close to get off the ground for me to stand up and be able to walk easily. I am now the proud owner of two toilet raisers. I never thought I would have to use these! The front lawn was completely torn up to place in the new sprinkler system and to do landscaping.
How this relates - Things have stayed the same. - I am grateful that I am simply alive. I required 16 units of blood to keep me going during the trauma surgeries. The average person requires 8. There is a huge reason that I am still here and I am thankful for my health and for the opportunity to have my legs and to walk with assistance.
Instead of my doors being widen, my heart has. Thank you to all of my family members where ever you may be for your love support and prayers and for all of the wonderful little things that have opened my heart to see how much I am blessed. And how grateful I am for my individual relationship with all my family members.
To all my friends, thank you for taking time out of your busy lives to come and provide a wide opportunity for tears, laughter, making up for old times and showing me that your friends can provide you with strength to keep going. You are like the walker I have to use now. My friends are always there when I need strength to stand. Also like the walker that is brand new, through this experience I have gained new friendships that are amazing.
To the toilet raisers - The thing that has stayed the same is that I continue to need the use of a toilet as all of us do. Thank heavens for toilets! This experience has proved to be that I can raise above anything - including the toilet!
To the torn up lawn - this experience has torn be to pieces. Physically - I have never dealt with intense physically pain - that I thought would never get better or ever go away. Emotionally - I have been "broken" to pieces, I never thought that I would walk away from August 27th with empty arms that would not hold my dear, sweet and tender Livi - that I waited so long to have.
As the lawn is getting fixed - I hope my fixing will come in time with healing. Physically I have started to heal and are learning each day that slowly the physical pain is decreasing. Emotionally I will always be torn in pieces but as a new lawn provides beauty, this experience of being a Mom to Livi is beautiful and I will never regret all that I have learned - it has been beautiful.
Here is to wheelchair ramps, toilet seat raisers, walkers and a new lawn. Here is to coming home!