Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

Sunday, May 15, 2011


It has been a while. Once you think that you get a handle on your grief, your heart seems to break and the tears come once again. It has been the toughest journey I have ever been on.

Livi's headstone was placed. Now her eternal marker of where her body lies has her name. I vow that she will never be forgotten. Never. I saw it I cried.

I attended an awesome lecture with my Dad, my bro - his wife, my bro-in law. I learned how our body, minds and spirit are all connected. I learned how we manifest this connection within our body language. I learned that vision boards really do work. I learned that I am a deeply spiritual person. I learned that there is a connection between heaven and earth that is very close. When someone asked, if I had children. I hesitated to answer. Then, she said, "Did you forget you had any kids? Oh I was furious. I cried. I didn't forget, I have scars all over my body, that does not let me forget. I struggle to give any information to strangers. They ask, if I don't say that I don't have kids, am I forgetting her? If I say, "I have daughter", the next question is old is she? I cry....I don't forget her but I am sick and tired of telling my story. Tired. I think that my body is angry for all that I have put it through. The 13 surgeries and all, the pain, the fatigue, the weakness. I cry for the loss of my body.

Mother's day came and went. Dear friends brought me a beautiful card, with a message that tugged at my heart strings. I survived my first mother's day. Awkward. I am a mom? I cried.

Sophie won a makeover for four friends. We went and looked pretty - oh so pretty. Her friend mentioned that when I came to her house - she mentioned that I had a calm spirit about me. Hmm-where have I heard this before? - I cried.

I had lunch with a very dear friend Rachel. She understands more than anyone right now. I listened to her questions and her thoughts on this long grief journey. She is strong. She is brave. Why us? Why now? There are a lot of Why's. I ate lunch. Came home and cried.

"Tears are words our heart can not express."

May we all have tears and may we share in the tears of others.


ThE CrAZy GaTEs! said...

What a beautiful post! Thank you for bringing meaning into my fast, overloaded, and empty day today. I love you.

Jessica said...

My Elizabeth would be 4 next month. I still hesitate when asked about my kids. I never know what the "right" answer is.

I am sorry for your tears. I can only hope they are cleansing to the soul.

We love and pray for you continually.

Kayla Sheehy said...

Corrine my dearest cousin, I love you so much! It's ok to cry, you don't need to be strong all the time. You are such a wonderful person. Don't be afaid to let your feelings out.

Anonymous said...

I have thought of you and Livi so many times this last 11 months and I hope that you are faring better each day. I know that no one who has not lost a baby can know your pain and sorrow. It's been 33 years and I still miss that baby and wonder who she would have been. I have been blessed with 2 more wonderful children and Sheila's wonderful kids as my nieces and nephews but I still miss her firstborn and the baby that i never got to have. You are an inspiration to me daily as I grumble about things that are really trivial and then I think about you and your sweet Livi and I feel blessed. I will never forget your struggle or little Livi. and YES you are a Mom!!!

Love and Prayers,