On Wed. last week, I woke up with a huge pain in my stomach. At 2:00 am - I waited until 5:00 am to go to the ER. I went to the ER and the doctors and everyone reported I had the stomach flu, made sense it was going around. Wed. I still was not feeling good - 8:00 pm went to the ER again. More tests, a CT Scan, heart monitors and more blood withdrawls. Nothing came back nothing.
Then I came home and I threw up...threw up for 3 days straight. Finally told Damon, need to go to the ER Friday night. I went to the ER....kidney failure....low heart beat....ICU admission. Not again, I thought...back to the hospital.
ICU for three days....Surgery was prevented as much as possible...but in the end it had to happen.
You would think that I would be a pro at surgery. I am not. I get scared. I hate not having control.
My surgeon was great. He talked to me and comforted my fears. He told me that he was proud of me and all that I had endured.
I am home now. The hardest part was missing my Damon and little Grayson. Now I have 40 new staples along my stomach with my stomach all cleared out.
May we all me proud of what we have endured.
Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Friday, December 30, 2011
Roots
In the last three weeks of the end of December of 2011, I have had three friends die. These friends were not stop by and say "hi" once in a while, but friends that had deep roots, in who I was and who I became.
Needless to say, I was not in the Christmas spirit. However, I have had much time to reflect. All three of these funerals, could have been mine. I wonder if people would have come to my funeral and talked about how I was a good friend. Or how I had humor to carry me through the hard times that life gave to me. Or if I had a big heart, and tried to help all those around me, even if it was through a smile or a friendly Hello.
To all three of my friends, I simply say - "Thank You" -
Thank you for making Jr. High - tolearable! I can say he was a little crush.
Thank You - for always wanting me to come and visit and checking up and asking me about my life and always being intersted in what was going on. For sharing the story of our adoption with your family and friends and saying it brought a little happiness to the little life you had left inside of you and for holding him in your heart, when your body and arms wouldn't allow you to.
Thank You - for cutting my bangs, you were the best! Now I have to find a new bang cutter. Thank you for the breakfast and fast meals. Even though I have to laugh because Damon and I still think we ate it with cat hair! But it added to the love and effort you went to. Thank you for eating fried pickles and avocados. Thank you for your heartfelt listening and advice talks. Thank you for the heartfelt and touching letters of inspiration and cards you gave to us after the "accident." I kept them in my hospital room, read and re-read them many times when I needed a lift. Thank you for taking care of Damon - during that hard time, when everyone was focused on me, you were focused on him. Thank you for the letter you wrote on our behalf for the adoption file. At your funeral, a sweet man - stopped me when I was holding Grayson. He said, "you don't know who I am, but I was a co-worker." He told me how you put Grayson's picture up in your little work Pod and that you told everyone our story at work.
Tears roll down my face, as I hoped to share many more memories with you and with Grayson.
One wish, is that I took more pictures. My camera goes with me everywhere now. Pictures, hold memories and tie us with heartstrings...I believe.
I hope all of my friends are looking out for my Little Livi...that is in heaven. Hold her close. Tell her all about the crazy things we did - okay maybe not all the things!
The thank you's are the roots....that connect me to you.
May we all thank our friends.
Needless to say, I was not in the Christmas spirit. However, I have had much time to reflect. All three of these funerals, could have been mine. I wonder if people would have come to my funeral and talked about how I was a good friend. Or how I had humor to carry me through the hard times that life gave to me. Or if I had a big heart, and tried to help all those around me, even if it was through a smile or a friendly Hello.
To all three of my friends, I simply say - "Thank You" -
Thank you for making Jr. High - tolearable! I can say he was a little crush.
Thank You - for always wanting me to come and visit and checking up and asking me about my life and always being intersted in what was going on. For sharing the story of our adoption with your family and friends and saying it brought a little happiness to the little life you had left inside of you and for holding him in your heart, when your body and arms wouldn't allow you to.
Thank You - for cutting my bangs, you were the best! Now I have to find a new bang cutter. Thank you for the breakfast and fast meals. Even though I have to laugh because Damon and I still think we ate it with cat hair! But it added to the love and effort you went to. Thank you for eating fried pickles and avocados. Thank you for your heartfelt listening and advice talks. Thank you for the heartfelt and touching letters of inspiration and cards you gave to us after the "accident." I kept them in my hospital room, read and re-read them many times when I needed a lift. Thank you for taking care of Damon - during that hard time, when everyone was focused on me, you were focused on him. Thank you for the letter you wrote on our behalf for the adoption file. At your funeral, a sweet man - stopped me when I was holding Grayson. He said, "you don't know who I am, but I was a co-worker." He told me how you put Grayson's picture up in your little work Pod and that you told everyone our story at work.
Tears roll down my face, as I hoped to share many more memories with you and with Grayson.
One wish, is that I took more pictures. My camera goes with me everywhere now. Pictures, hold memories and tie us with heartstrings...I believe.
I hope all of my friends are looking out for my Little Livi...that is in heaven. Hold her close. Tell her all about the crazy things we did - okay maybe not all the things!
The thank you's are the roots....that connect me to you.
May we all thank our friends.
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Wings
It was over a year in the making. As soon as I was transferred to my Rehab hospital and we were planning our sweet little Livi's funeral, I immediately thought of the Festival of Trees. I did an internship at PCMC and also have had many clients and families use their services and I thought it would be a tender way of honoring her and her life and giving back to other children, to keep her memory alive.
Results: A beautiful tree that was amazing beyond my dreams. It took sweat, time and lots of hard work and many late hours to put on the glitter, glam and tuelle for the little tree. I had lots of family that helped from my hubby, to brothers to dad and cousin - who drove the crazy truck down the crazy mountain. To my Mom, sister in law and the young woman and dear friends. It made a dream come true. My art director: I like to call her - asked if Livi would be proud, I say...Yes. Yes. Yes.
Heart Warming: All of the etsy artisans who opened their hearts and created beautiful masterpieces to give the final touch of miracles and pieces of their heart and heaven to put the softness need to celebrate Livi. To know that their is still kindness in the world and that people do give of their time and talents.
Livi...there is a tree in your honor that is a butterfly garden memorial...to donate to other little kids that are needing a Guardian angel to help them on their journey.
May we all have wings...to embrace each other and...lift everyone up around us.
Results: A beautiful tree that was amazing beyond my dreams. It took sweat, time and lots of hard work and many late hours to put on the glitter, glam and tuelle for the little tree. I had lots of family that helped from my hubby, to brothers to dad and cousin - who drove the crazy truck down the crazy mountain. To my Mom, sister in law and the young woman and dear friends. It made a dream come true. My art director: I like to call her - asked if Livi would be proud, I say...Yes. Yes. Yes.
Heart Warming: All of the etsy artisans who opened their hearts and created beautiful masterpieces to give the final touch of miracles and pieces of their heart and heaven to put the softness need to celebrate Livi. To know that their is still kindness in the world and that people do give of their time and talents.
Livi...there is a tree in your honor that is a butterfly garden memorial...to donate to other little kids that are needing a Guardian angel to help them on their journey.
May we all have wings...to embrace each other and...lift everyone up around us.
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Lights
The past couple of weeks has been difficult. We have been creating the beautiful masterpiece of the Garden Butterfly Memorial tree for the Festival of Trees for my little Livi. We put on the lights on two of the smaller items. I think of Livi and the light she was too my life. I loved being pregnant. I loved every night getting online and watching and see how she was developing, inside of me. I remember her first kicks. I remember when I found out I was pregnant. I remember where I was, what time it was and I remember telling a Dear Friend - when she saw me get of the phone with the doctors office...I was crying happy tears. Thanksgiving - Christmas are always so difficult for me. I think of the big table with the whole family seated around, laughing sharing in Thanksgiving Magic and always think there is a little girl maybe with blonde hair or maybe some strawberry blonde hair...that is gone, that is missing. As soon as I found out I was pregnant even before she was here, I had dreams and hopes that were tucked in the corner of my heart that without having her, here with me. I never realized how much those dreams were tied with heartstrings for the future.
I also think that it is really raw emotion for any Mom to have a child die, that brings up a little or big heartache around the holidays.
May we all make sure we shine our light on others and hold each other in the best of light.
Twinkle Twinkle little star do you know how loved you are?
I also think that it is really raw emotion for any Mom to have a child die, that brings up a little or big heartache around the holidays.
May we all make sure we shine our light on others and hold each other in the best of light.
Twinkle Twinkle little star do you know how loved you are?
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Beautiful Heartbreak
Tonight a dear friend of mine, that has been going through her own beautiful heartbreak, shared this music video - with me. She said she thought of me because of the inspirational speaker part. I guess I would have never thought that my life would lead me to become an inspirational speaker. Who would have thought. Now I can say that I have had 3 speaking engagements and a TV appearance. On my way to hopefully touch the lives that need to hear my message.
To all of you - that have had a beautiful heartbreak. I will hold your hand and share with you my heart and help you see your view.
May we all climb to see the view.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
New Things
Time flies...Grayson is so stinkin cute. He is now smiling, smiling and smiling. I love waking up in the morning and seeing him grin. How sweet and simple life can be.
Facebook - Okay I gave in. I tried very hard to stay away, however my friend Shells, you are so in trouble introduced me to pintrest. Loving it...loving new ideas.
Festival of Trees - hard hard work. Who ever thought that decorating a tree would be so much stress...it is worth the stress.
Completing tasks..I have been working on finishing...Finishing anything the purpose: to try and get more things accomplished.
May we all take in new things...
Saturday, October 8, 2011
Shower of Love
Today my dearest and closest friends gathered together to eat yummy food and to see Baby Grayson. They have been there with me through being a freshman in College - to a wonderful trip to Honduras for my Minor in Spanish, from dating boys- to marriages and now babies. Our circle is complete with M- having her boy in December!
My friends have shared with me the heartache of Livi's death and the miracle of happiness with Grayson. The one thread that we share together is how we have grown stronger through the experiences that life has brought to all of us.
When I was looking for pictures for Livi's tree, I came across these beautiful pictures that showed Jesus holding a little baby. I have never had anything touch me as much as these pictures.
These pictures to me remind me of a different type of shower of Love.
Please check out ChristianFineArt on Etsy.com
I am so excited to have these pictures for Livi's tree.
These would make great awesome Christmas gifts or any special kind of gift.
May we all shower each other with love.
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