After much reflection this week, being with family always makes me think of two special people in my life that I wish could be with us during our holidays. Livi - our daughter who died at birth and Grayson's - Birth Mom. These two people will always hold a special place in my heart and I think of them and remember them everyday.
Recently a friend asked, "Do you tell Grayson about his sister and his birth-mom?" I responded, "I don't tell him...I help him remember them both each and everyday and I tell him all the special memories I have of them both. I share with him, they are a part of our everyday life."
It all began with choosing our adoption agency. As a social worker, I knew I simply wanted the best. I met with many different agencies and called and interviewed, but my heart always came back to A Act of Love. From my first phone call to the check in's and post adoption services we receive ...I and my husband both felt it was little ''acts of love" along the way that made our adoption process "from the heart and a beautiful adoption experience.
I remember the first time I talked to Grayson's birth mom- she was like a long lost best friend. I simply asked, "How are you?" Because from the moment I heard her voice, I wanted to make sure she was okay. I was concerned about her and the huge choice that she was making. We both cried. Even as I write this I am crying...as a huge amount of emotions come to the surface. We were both strong, we both knew about heartache and wanting the best for a child.
We met the next day at the hospital. We waited for her in the gift shop. My husband and I bought her a big boquet of pink roses and a card. I knew it was her, even though I never saw a picture as soon as she walked in, I just knew. I ran up and gave her a hug. We then started crying again. She brought her two brothers. We all went up into the elevator to the 3rd floor. Emotions were running high. Does she like me? Does she know how much we care about her and her family?
We spent a whole week with her and her family. We talked for hours on hours. We went to lunch and dinner together. We went to IHOP and meet Grayson's brothers and sisters. It felt like we were a big extended family that crossed across the United States. We had a wonderful time together. Took pictures and videos with one another and this all created a wonderful adoption experience. I could not have asked for more.
I remember talking to her on the phone arranging for our last meeting to go to breakfast before we left to go to the airport to come home. I remember telling her, "How do you thank someone for giving you their child?" She simply replied, "My loving him."
I wish everyday she could see how much love together (his bithmom and me) has given to him for the choice she made of adoption.
Her love came from placing him in a home and making the decision from the beginning...our love (my husband and I ) comes from honoring her choice and recognizing the beautiful gift she has given to us and trying each day to show him how much he is loved. He is loved everyday by two mom's. He will always have two mom's. One mom is close...the other is close in heart.
Love him...we do. Each day is filled with smiles, giggles and laughs. Tonight he was placing random toys on his head and letting them fall to the ground and he would giggle as they hit the floor. My heart has ached for this laughter to fill our home. Tonight I realized it is here and what a beautiful gift it is. Tonight Grayson was high fiving his uncle, his Grandpa and his two other boy cousins as we sang, "Happy Birthday to his Papa." This week we have put up Christmas decorations and he claps every time I lit a candle thinking we are going to sing Happy Birthday. Grayson is my happy. He lights up my life in so many ways.
The bear his birth mom gave to him, sits next to the other bears that he has in his room. Her picture sits next to the other pictures we have. She is a part of him...therefore a part of us and our family. We love her.
May we all give Thanks & be giving.